Net Nanny

Let's face it. The Internet has been babysitting 17 - 30 year old males for the past 15 or so years. Although there have been some people that have already pointed out the drawbacks to this rampant lack of interest or respect for the "real world", very few of these voices have sprung from 17 - 30 year old males. Until Now?

After having a fairly deep conversation at work about goals and personal time maintainence with a very smart friend, I realized that although I was making a very good point in the aforementioned dialogue, I wasn't making a point to live my own words. It's not that I spend too much time on the Internet, a great deal of the time I spend on the Net is for work and thusly totally justified. What bothers me is what I do when I'm left to my own devices on the world wide web. Productive I am not, as you can plainly read.

My point is that, although there are a great deal of positive things that people do with the internet, make money, make friends, make art, make etc., there really isn't a social movement to use the internet as a productive tool in peoples lives. Sure, people job hunt and exchange information, but are people getting trained to do jobs on the net? are people reaching out those in need on the net? Where does the fun stop and the building begin? Can any real community building be done on the web? Who knows. I'm just going to make sure that whenever I'm up here from now on, I'm either learning something from someone or teaching something to somebody.

(And this counts)

why are midnight snacks so yummy ? i want to be good to my tummy.

this is where you can go to donate money to hiv aids services in new work, one of the epicenters of the disease in the u.s.

AIDS Walk Donations!

Hello World!

Today was fairly productive, I did my taxes (which is always a humbling experience) and I finally signed up for the NYC AIDS walk. I've never been a great fundraiser, but I hope that my involvement in this effort will teach me more about the great need that we have in this country for better HIV/AIDS services and how that need should be met. Please help me make a difference in this pandemic by donating whatever you can at the following website:

STOP AIDS NOW!

folio fun

Check it out!

Transference

Wamu is a mess. I can't believe the awful mix up this whole transfer thing has caused.
I tried to put some money into an account to cover a check, and quickly found out that it can take up to 3 business days for the electronic transfer to be processed. Three days is not instant. The net is supposed to make these things easier and speedier for all of us. What's going on?

This is yet another hard earned tidbit of knowledge added to my growing collection.

for all of my boston fans. you know who you are.

cool and chilly.

Brandy, Like a fine Wine

By now, most of my friends know that I love Brandy. Her style, her talent, her incredible work ethic and attention to detail. It's remarkable. Plain and simple. Here are some examples of why her work is known industry wide for it's true innovation and undeniable artistic merit.

Enjoy!

Eyebees.com Presentation

Hey,

This afternoon, my friend Jack Bury and I presented eyebees to the Nextweb meeting at Webster Hall. It went pretty well, we've learned a lot about how to explain eyebees to people and we can't wait to do it again.

I would like to thank Jack and George for bringing me onto this project. It's the most fun I've had in ages. For real! I mean, just check out my eyebees panel that I've included in this blog, it's really cool to be able to see when someone's looking at my blog and what they're looking at. I can't wait to get a big group of people in here from my Skype friends list to talk about the experience and get some feedback on how I can use the application.

i heart the netflix. come back to me dvd. fill my eyes with light.

Ocular Oppulence

New glasses! I'm very fortunate to have purchase new glasses recently. I really needed them. Even though I've known that I could drastically improve my sight with corrective lenses for the past 15 or so years, I've only now really felt brave enough to stop making excuses and make glasses a part of my life.

I've certainly had them before, but it almost always ended in failure before. Broken, lost, forgotten. Again and again. I think I had some sort of phobia against them and what they did to my "image". In the first few days of having the two pairs of glasses I own now, I've already left one pair at a friends job, safely on his desk and not on my face. I say to myself, I'm just going to take them off for a little while so they won't get broken, or so my eyes can rest, but I always misplace them. It will take some time for me to get used to wearing them, but I'm confident that after a while it will be just another part of my daily routine.

i just had a really good meeting with the pastor of williamsburg church. i'm very gratefull for the chance to start going to church again. i also almost bought some art this past weekend at this gallery. why aren't i doing more art stuff? i have such a great opportunity to live in a city full of such things.

Listen and Learn?

Gabcast! Snizatch Blog #7 - Can't Remember

food, store, talk, culture, media, happy, copy, writing

When I'm not looking

The best ideas come to you when you're not trying to come up with them. The very unnecessary and unexpected trains of thought that you humor and allow to continue to build up steam in your mind are the ones that most often strike a mountain stuffed with gold. However, as I'm learning from one of my professors now, it's always good to do a little research first before riding on one of these trains. If you don't have the foggiest idea what you're doing or where you would like to go, your trains could get mixed up on the wrong track and crash into each other or become derailed altogether.

If you can't tell, I've made a little progress on my SVA project today and I'm really stoked about it.

A little assistance please.

Self-improvement and self-awareness. Two things that I set out to do some work on when I first began this blog. They seem to be going fairly well without much input from outside of myself, thank God. But now, I'm going to have to ask for a little help from anyone out there who seems so inclined.

I'm working on another assignment for school and even though I've had an extra week to mull it over, distinct and conclusive progress still alludes me. The job at hand is as follows: create an ad that introduces and advocates the consumption of bison meat, aka the north American buffalo, and create an ad that sells lingerie from Victoria Secret.
Vary random. I know. I've done the research, even begun some preliminary brainstorming, yet, I can't quite seem to get to a place in my head that's truly visionary and exhibits these two things in ways that a normal sane human being would never think to.

I think I need a push in the right direction. Leave a comment and let me know what would move you to take another look at titties and buffalo meat.

a studio view

arrival

Food is Expensive

Gabcast! Snizatch Blog #6 - Food is Expensive

walking to the store

keep smiling. even if only on the inside.

Guilty Feeling

Hey,

I skipped church today and I feel pretty bad about it. I've had a little cough lately and it isn't bad enough to use as an excuse by any means, so I'm not even going to try to. I spent the day relaxing at first and now I'm going to try and get some work done by doing some writing, working on my portfolio, etc. My usual exercises. I'm also going to do some bible study to make up for the missed service today.

Here's more bad news. I've missed hosting my Skypecast twice now and I'm beginning to see why all of these interesting ideas of mine seem to burn bright but fade fast. My follow-through is just embarrassing. This whole beginning of the year has been an exercise in trying to regain ground that I had claimed for myself months ago. Have I learned my lesson yet? Who knows.

A kind of Stardom

Yesterday I went to a karaoke bar with a group of people from work. My initial thoughts were that this would be a good way to meet some of the people that work in my office, network, forge some new professional relationships and such, but that was before the sake arrived. We had a total blast. All self consciousness and discomfort went out the door after the first few songs. I actually enjoyed acting like a complete idiot in front of my peers.

There must be something about music that just puts people at ease. It helps them to let there guard down and see things differently. Even when there was a genre of music or artist playing that I wasn't particularly fond of, watching others get excited and put their all into the feeling of the song was very entertaining and educational. How can you not learn something about someone by the way they scream and gyrate to a set of lyrics and melody that you've never even heard before. At the end of the night, we all made sure to make an appointment to do it all over again at the end of the month, without any hesitation.

Voce Dolce

Gabcast!
Sitting in front of the computer to write my already amazingly boring blog is no longer doing it for me. I'm a much more effective orator when I put my mind to it. Making these NPR inspired Gabcasts will hopefully liven things up. I've done them in the past and they seem to take on much more meaning for myself and others than if they were just dry prose. (Like what I'm writing now!)

I plan to have really interesting guest interviews. Fortunately, I know some rather unique characters that haven't yet been properly shared with the public. Also, my own thought process is better captured in audio, since I talk to myself a lot. (I might as well document my own absurdities if I'm going to be all Anne Frank with this blog.

Snizatch Blog #5

New Skypecast Talk Show: SNIZATCH the mix

Hey,

I'm going to try out this new Skypecasting thing because I think its an amazing new medium. That's it. I think it's cool, so I'm going to do it. Podcasting, Youtube videos, message boards etc. are all very hot and fresh ways of getting a message, an idea, a point of view or whatever out there into the global ether. But, with a Skypecast, you can bring people together and discuss stuff in-real time with no editing, no holds barred kind of action. Pretty exciting, right? How many times have you yelled at Fox news, "that's not right!" or found yourself tearing up during an Oprah segment, just bursting to say something to that beautiful young widow about the meaning of life. Now, there is a forum where we can do just that.

Check me out! Skypecast

Snizatch the mic

Saturdays at seven.

A shot of the Nextweb meeting slash pres

A shot of the Nextweb meeting slash presentations.

NextWeb = New Ideas

Yesterday evening, I attended a small gathering of internet entrepaneurs called Nextweb. My good friend Jack Bury turned me onto it and I was actually very impressed with the presentations that people put together to share their budding ideas.

I've been toying around with an internet based company idea for a while. I.E. this blog and the adjoined "webshop". But here's the thing, It's really hard to get clicks and interest in what you're doing on the web boosted up enough to be a cultural phenomenon, underground or mainstream wise. So, I'm hoping that learning more about how people are building their web company models will help me to refine my concepts and bring much more functionality and usefullness to this blog and other things I have coming down the pipe.

Contemplating

So, I did a little contemplating about God again today. I think I've made a little headway, but it's not that important. I know that I will never fully understand, I'm just trying to improve the context and the language that holds my faith and relationship to the Almighty. Basically, I need a way to think about God that doesn't make me feel completely lost.

In other news, there have been lots of rumors on the net about Brandy's new album. There couldn't be a more hopeful fan. There just couldn't be. Her recent unreleased song leaks have kept me going for the past 3 years or so, and I'm grateful for them. However, now that the prospect of the new album is close, my anticipation and greedy desire has grown immensely. I can't wait.

My instructor at SVA was a very sobering experience today. He reviewed my work last night with a certain objectivity and clinical dryness that surprised even me, Mr. social worker transplant. It's precisely what I need to improve my style and focus, communication strength and overall conceptual effectiveness. I hope.

Laters

sigh of relief

Work is going pretty well. so thats good. I`m slowly getting back into the feeling of going back to school as well. Now that this is my second class at sva, I have a better idea of what to expect from the course and how much I need to put into my work to get the best experience from it. My insomnia has flared up a bit again though. I'm writing this on the Wii at 5 in the morning. I better go.

bad pic

that last pic i posted was not hot. i took it with my helio on lunch a few days ago. i called it hunger. sorry i found some of my old poems. now all i have to do is send them to some publishers. this post was made on the internet channel of my Wii.

Gone for a minute

Yeah, I know. Its really been a while, and where are all the pictures that I've been promising already? I just can't seem to really find something that I find interesting enough to photograph and post. It can't help that I'm always at work and I never get out to do stuff in the city and live like a normal person under 50, that could have something to do with it. Since I don't have any hot pics or exciting tales of intrigue, I'll just talk about random stuff that catches my attention here and there.

While running a simple errand on 23rd street on Super Tuesday, I was handed a Hillary Clinton pamphlet from a middle aged Latina woman. She was wearing a blue and white mesh vest that was remarkably similar to that of a construction worker or someone completing a mandate of community service. "Ave youw woted today?" she called out to the massively uninterested passersby in a genuinely concerned voice. I walked over to her and stuck out my hand and one of my most non-threatening smiles. I must have looked like a crocodile winking at a baby wildebeast at the watering hole, but I really was glad to see her. She handed me the pamphlet, saw my croc-smile and raised me a thank-you-kind-sir smile and head nod. As she turned away to continue her outreach, the only thought that my grey matter could muster in this awkward moment of truth was "America". But not just any "America", the "America" uttered with a sigh and a shrug during the song Sante Fe in Broadway's Rent by the tranny character Angel. I just couldn't help but feel the guilt of ambivalence in the face of this woman's courage, trust, dedication and patriotism in and for a country that she may or may not have been born in. It's just something to think about.

Strengths and Weaknesses

I believe that everyone should know their own strengths and weaknesses.

Personal Time

Is there some sort of unwritten rule of life that states one must immediately be bombarded with unforeseen responsibilities and tasks at the precise moment that one decides to take some time for oneself? If you are me, or anyone else who actually longs for some time to yourself, then the answer is most undoubtedly yes.

Today was a very good day at work for me. We shot some video clips that will be used to rally the sales troops of one of our clients in an upcoming sales conference type thing I guess. It's always good to step outside of my usual routine of think, write, show others, listen while others rethink and rewrite what I've thought and wrote, wait a little, and then give them the exact same writings and thinkings again when they realize the rethinking and rewriting was unnecessary and unwarranted. No, I'm not patting myself on the back, its just that I'm a junior right now so I only get the really duh writing assignments anyways. And, as you can tell by the quality and frequency of this "blog", for good reason.

Anywho. Today was a very good day but I am disappointed that I couldn't find time to sneak away and grab my glasses and turn in my continuing education paperwork for approval and processing.

OOPS! 2

I totally forgot to take pictures over the Christmas holiday. I suppose I was having too much fun hanging out with my family. I will most certainly take some in the weeks to come.

I'm back in the city and taking everything back to basics. All the stuff I said I was going to do, I'm doing, and all the the other stuff I needed to do that never got done will be done so the I can write later on about all of the things I did. And here they are in no particular order:

Find and attend a suitable church
prepare for graduate school
complete a professional advertising portfolio
create and register a small business
start singing again, somewhere!
get my glasses so I can drive

2008 is going to be my year for revival!
Thank you Jesus.

Seasonal allergies

I have received such a wake up call in the second half of this year. A new job, a continuing education course, a move, a roommate and my return to the dating scene have all brought some much needed reality into the world of "Nate". I'm glad to be going home for Christmas though. I can't think of a better way to recharge my batteries than seeing the people that I love during a time when nothing else matters except being next to one another.

However, I must be careful not to get too comfortable in this haze of happiness. My list of must-do's has become to long that it seems to end where it began in some crazy circle of responsibility and action. Once again, I'm charged with looking at the path I'm on and deciding how to plant each foot as I lumber on towards an unknown, but anticipated future.

Many pics to come from NC!

Road Blocks

I've got to get over this fear of asking for help. I have a lot of work to do for this portfolio and there is no way that I can do it all alone. Why can't I just go up to an art director in my class and ask for help in putting the blasted thing together? There is so much at stake, and yet I clam up every time. This SVA (School of Visual Arts) class has been a unique and helpful experience, and I've learned so much about my new "craft" and even more about myself and how I thought I worked versus how my creative process really takes place. I can't allow my own personal fears of failure and inadequacy take over the simple ambitions I have for success in this endeavor.

Getting my Weight Up.

Well, I weighed myself on the bathroom scale today after almost 5 or so months of not being able to even think of what I may have gained in poundage. I wasn't surprised. I have gained some weight, but I totally know where it's all coming from; laziness and fear. After losing my free gym membership when I changed jobs, I haven't gone back into the NYSC offices to reinstate myself into their fold. Why... because. Parties here, lazy afternoons there, plain and simple. I've watched my lovely dancer's build balloon to slightly above average Joe-ness. Not cute. Stretching, push-ups and crunches at home have done nothing to stem the tide of flab that has come over me. Don't get me wrong. I'm still turning heads, but only with some carefully crafted outfitting and "incognegro" public appearances. The only good thing about all of this, is that, by not going to the gym, I have had some time to look at the projects I'm working on and make some priorities in my life. My writing, my portfolio, my job in pharma advertising, my friends and family, my spirituality and love of Christ. These are all adding to the mental weight that I've appreciatively accumulated in the past few months. I'm getting my weight up; focusing on living a better life and moving forward, hopefully, without getting heavy in the process.

New Music

So, Brandy and Tweet are both rumored/scheduled to have a new album coming out in 2008 and I'm very excited. I think of them both as inspirations and look forward to hearing how their music will be different but the same great style once again.

Video Jug is too Funny!

VideoJug: How To Give A Great Man To Man Hug

Check out this video site called Video Jug. They have all of these smarmy but informative Brittish How To posts. They remind me of the old Disney cartoons where Goofy would embark on a mission or chore with commentation and direction from a comedic narrator. Too Funny!

a scarf i made years ago. i like to knit. it calms me

just thinking.

just thinking.

Award and Show

Hey. I'm going to an award show this Friday and its kind of bugging me that I don't have the amount of time that I need to get myself together. I have a bit of an idea of what to expect as far as the crowd and the attire and the vibe, but to be honest, its been a while since I've really done the NYC social scene. Although gobs of fun, it can sometimes be a mine field of old mistakes one's made and fresh new pitfalls one has yet to encounter. I'll just make the most of it. I'm going to be 26 this year and if I don't get over this stupid fear of finding myself brown nosing instead of networking, my career is going to be face down in the mud anyways!

Trashy Eco Love

i saw this a while back and thought it was a good example of how there is no excuse for not doing your part for the environment.

My mind is working hard, but my body is taking a nap!

Video Testing

Lets Keep the giggling to a minimum. I couldn't think of anything else to put up here. so I'm going to try this for now and then record more music and video of me in weird places doing weird stuff with weird music later. Trust me. I have it all planned out. These first posts are just to get a general view of what my camera phone is capable of. I want to use the camera phone initially to get spontaneous content. Who knows? If you're one of my friends or family. You may find yourself up here soon???

Video Posts

I'm trying to post videos from my phone to Youtube.com, but I'm having some trouble. I don't know why I want to do this so bad, I don't even do the audio posts that I was so keen on a while ago, so why step up to video if I can't even do that. I'll just have to do both for a bit and get used to doing it so it's not such a chore.

Bad Timing

I almost made it to the Time Warner office on 23rd today. I need to return some of their silly equipment or I have to pay for it, so I stuffed it in my Kenneth Cole bag this morning in hopes of dropping it off after work. When I arrived the guard was standing at the door, it was just a few minutes after 7, there were still customers inside waiting to be helped, but he just looked at me sadly and whispered in broken English through his braces, "It's after seven." I just quietly turned around and came home. I couldn't argue with him. I hadn't the strength. I'll get him tomorrow.

Nothing spectacular today. I'm working on this very interesting idea for a new campaign. Who knows what my boss will say about it?

What I've been up to lately

I'm learning how to layout ads right now with OpenOffice Draw. It's free software, so it doesn't have all of the bell's and whistles of InDesign or anything like that. But it does the job for me for right now. I really hope that this class goes well for me. As soon as I figure out how to post a pdf to this crazy blog, I'll show some of my work.

Humility

OH, how the mighty have fallen.

My continuing education class at SVA has proven to be quite the challenge for my relationship with higher learning. The entire pedagogical premise for this course is rooted in self-discovery, personal reflection and responsibility. Let's just say that I am poorly equipped to fully engage these practices in my current state of being. I just want to be shown a proven formula that I can emulate and re-tool for my own purposes like most other professional students. This class is not allowing me to do that. So, in exchange, I'm being forced to learn how me, myself and I work best to create new ideas and put them on display for others.

Humility. Will they understand my work? Am I just trapped in my own head with no hope of connecting with any audience, regardless of size or similarity of experience? We will see.

Britney Spears and Taser Guns

Well, I saw the Britney tragedy today. I'm not usually interested at all in this kind of thing, but curiosity got the best of me. So I watched it on Youtube. I was flabbergasted. She looked more bored than the concerned celebrities in the audience. You could almost see Fifty Cent saying a little prayer inside his head for her. People did everything but purse their lips, close their eyes and shake their heads in pity.
This woman was (and most likely still is) an amazing performer. Her life has been riddled with problems, pressure, mis-perceptions and downright vicious attacks. I'm not a Britney fan, but give her a break, it was a bad decision for her to perform without being on her A-game, but it's time for us to realize our own culpability in this fiasco. I'm so tired of American's creating these young stars just so they can tear them down at the first sign of a wobble or falter. It's ridiculous.

We all have our own favorite diva or performer. (It's Brandy Norwood for me) And nothing anyone can say will change that. Opinions are formed and changed overnight, so lets keep things in perspective. Art is just Art. You don't have to like it or ascribe meaning or anything to it. It's what people do with their "Art" that makes all the difference.

Now. I just want to say that the tasing incident that happened a little while ago on a college campus here in the states was an obvious intrusion on the student's civil and human rights. He was freaking shocked with electricity for being a little forceful in his questioning at a public forum. I can't tell you how many times I've been a complete ass in public and nothing has happened to me. America, for shame. This is the beginning of the end folks. If kids in college can get tased for just mentioning the skull and bones society, what hope do we all have for a genuine revolution of public policy and effective leadership in this country. NONE. I'll tell you again. NONE WHATSOEVER. I sense that this incident will be the measuring stick by which we, as citizens of the United States, can measure the degree of corruption and malice which fuels the mental processes of those currently in control of our nation. PERIOD.

I, for one, am concerned.

Lightbulb

Hello...duh...I just figured it out.

This stomach thing is whats causing my diet and exercise routine to be such a bust.
Hopefully, once I get my gastronomic problems solved, all the rest of it will fall in line more easily.

Thats REAL!

So. I've been pretending that my strange eating habits, infrequent to stressful working out, completely insane sleeping cycle, and ridiculous work hours haven't been harming my body. That game is now over. The jig is up. For the past few days, every time I eat something, I've been getting these sharp pains in the exact same place in my stomach.

That's right... I think it's an ulcer too. Not cute. So now, not only do I have to rethink the way I've been abusing my slowly aging body, but I have to go to the doctor to get myself checked out and on antibiotics ASAP.

I'm not being pessimistic, but my stupid, vain, human fears keep telling me to be on the lookout for other problems as well.

Harder than it looks

I have to get back into the gym. I've been doing the simple exercises and stretches at home, but the results have been lackluster at best. Since I left my non-profit job where my monthly fee was taken care of as part of my benefit's package, I haven't taken the initiative to go to a New York Sports Club office and set up a new membership. I have the money, I just can't seem to fit it in.

On that note, I have Netflix that need to be located and returned, checks that need to be put into the mail, a dvr recorder that needs to go back to the cable company and a host of other errands that I've very simply neglected. What is wrong with me? There is little worse than knowing exactly what you need to do and not doing it for now reason other than you don't feel like doing it. Sometimes, I tell myself that I need house staff. A personal assistant that just takes care of all the stuff that I'm too bored with to execute. Then, I come to my senses and realize that I'm just being lazy and uppity.

I'm going to do better. I can't let boredom be the excuse for failure. Too many other, would be geniuses and savants have already used that one.

Nerd Alert

You know, I never considered myself by any stretch of the imagination a techi (technology geek), but something happened today that made me feel really odd about my relationship to digital media.

I just moved to a new apt. and my roommate has a very interesting set up on his widescreen, surround sounded tv in the living room. Try as I might, I could not get the sound on today. It just wouldn't come through. He's got it routed through DVD players and speakers and a record player and a dvr machine and even a laserdisk situation. It was like tracking a mouse that you can't see through a maze that doesn't exist. So eventually I gave up totally and just watched my tv.

Now, that's not the end of the story. Although my pride was mildly damaged by that little defeat with the surround sound, I found myself battling with technology again when, later in the day, I tried to burn a DVD from my computer, only to find that my computer does not even have that capability. How could I have missed that nugget of information in the year or so I've been tinkering with this thing?

So now, it's painfully obvious to me... Myself and other generation Y pseudo-nerds have been adopting and buying into an understanding of the digital age that is dreadfully shallow and ignorant. We know how to push the buttons, but we have no idea what they actually do. I'm comfortable with using things that I can't make from scratch myself, but there should be some rudimentary understanding of what's going on to keep things simple for the user and the tool being used. From now on, I'm going to be much more attentive to instructions and explanations around digital media. I don't want to be the tank driver who was trained on a video game. I want to be the tank driver that built the tank.

Insomnia

How do you know if you have insomnia? Maybe I've just kept some really bad habits from college, or haven't mastered the art of going to bed for good at a regular time each night. It has just become way too much of a struggle to quickly drift off into dreamland and just as quickly drag my aging sack of bones up out of my bed in the morning. If you know the secret, please share it with me. Warm milk, soothing music, hot water bottles, what is it?

I am going to have fun this weekend and I am going to complete my move out of the apartment in Bay Ridge. It's imperative that I accomplish both of these goals this weekend, while the opportunity is ripe.

R&R

Sunday. The day of rest. I'm taking some time to just read and reflect and prepare for the week ahead. I've almost finished getting rid of the furniture in the old apartment, and even thought I was trying to give it away, people have offered me money for it, so that's good. Nothing much else is going on besides that fact that I saw some old friends yesterday in Jersey. Dukies are so different outside of that university.

Rock Out with your Sock out!

Wow!

So here's the deal with Mr. Holley. I am the new Junior Copywriter at Euro RSCG Life x2. I'm very grateful to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for once again providing me with employment. Not only am I back in profit work, but the company is also paying for me to take class at the School of Visual Art, here in NYC. What set-up could be better to reintroduce me into academia. Although my new work keeps me extraordinarily busy, I've managed to move to Williamsburg and restart my dance training.

What else can I say?
I'm looking ahead with wide and hopeful eyes.

In addition to the dancing, writing, Ad class, and just the general hectic pace of life here in the city, I'm going to, once again, rededicate myself to this blog and possibly even a podcast to help me document this amazing and trying time in my life. Specifically, I wish to capture the different events that happen on a weekly basis and the thoughts and moods that pass through me and around me.

So, Socks...

I can't seem to figure this sock thing out. Do you roll them up together, do you put them in a special drawer do you count them all after every wash? What is the protocol for men's hosiery? I find myself wearing holes in them at an alarming rate and losing their mates as if it were a game of hide and go seek. It's at the point now that I ask for them at Christmas, grab them when I see them like they're eggs or loaf bread, its ridiculous. So goal # 10398-149038-0917 Figure out how to keep my socks together in number and condition!

Tick Tock Tick Tock

The wait has begun. I'm biding my time, taking it easy and chillin' out. In the next two weeks I expect to receive two offers of employment from two different agencies here in New York. One of them is a for-profit advertising shop and the other is a not-for-profit HIV prevention organization. For me, it will be the beginning of a new era in my life. I'll be moving into Manhattan to be closer to work, taking night classes to prepare for grad school, finishing up paperwork for my first small business and leaving a fairly comfortable life and career here in Brooklyn.

I'm ready!

Its All Fun and Games

So, I've gotten back into gaming a little. I have a nintendo ds, a playstation, some online mmorpg's and I've even been downloading games on my cell phone. I have to say, that I really enjoy the diversions. Things have been more stressful than usual at work, and the games really help bring some fun, color, interest and perspective into my days.

Helio, my new cell provider is doing a great job I think. i can spend hours just playing with the phones features, watching clips, taking pictures, posting them to the internet, listening to music, sending messages etc. Its hard to remember a time when people shared one phone in a household of 4 or more and took turns talking on it. Now when someone calls me, I can have the phone play a song that reminds me of them and
see a picture of them that I took as well.

What really amazes me now a days is how life is imitating art. I remember being blown away by the visuals in Minority report and wishing that I had a computer screen that I could just touch to input data. Now, with the new Microsoft Surface and other multi-touch interface units, I could do it! (If I could afford it)

Even with this blog and my myspace page (which are linked, i think). I can add stuff like this helio banner to get other people interested in helio and hopefully make some friends that would want to use the Buddy Beacon application with me here in NYC.

End of a Journey

Hey, I'm going to be heading back up to Ellenville, New York today for work. It will be the end of a month long tour that included Essex Massachusetts, New Orleans Lusianna and Washington D.C. I am truly exhausted and I'm glad to be at the end of what has been a very taxing journey.

I recently bought the Helio Drift phone and service and I'm really pleased with it. However, due to the increasing amount of texting that my friends and myself are engaging in, I think it may already be time to upgrade my capabilities with a Sidekick ID. What do you think? Is it really all that necessary, or should I do what my gut is telling me and shun the increasingly tight tether of daily digital discussions?

As I move into new areas of my career and my personal life, I'm finding that my needs are changing all around. I'm currently searching for a smaller apt. in Harlem of all places, to reduce living expenses and also because I just don't need all this space anymore. My food intake and sleep needs have decreased dramatically due to scheduling issues and also my body's own "evolution" into a more compact and efficient piece of meat machinery.

Interesting

Time for an Update

Today was really busy and I noticed that when things start getting hectic, I start getting frustrated and "complainy" I didn't like how that felt and I'm certainly going to work on it immediately. Seeing as how I have at least 4 business trips coming up, I'm going to have to!

I've resumed my pet research today, and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to buy the cat that I want. I want a pet that has a history and a future. Adopting strays is wonderful, but I want to have the option of breeding my cat and showing it competitively. Right now, I'm looking at Skookums, Siamese, and British short hairs.

Google Earth is Amazing! They have this online community thing where you can register and post points of interest to the globe. Since I plan on leaving Bay Ridge in the next few months, and really need to stay on top of my blogging and other digital interests, I'm going to attempt to do a little multimedia review of my stay here. Hopefully, if I do it right, it will be complete with pictures of place of interest, restaurant and shop reviews, mini-films recorded by cell phone etc. This project will not only increase my proficiency with the internet and all of the newfangled blogging programs, but it will allow me to pay homage to the little neighborhood that has so quietly and effectively nurtured me for the past two years.

Bunnies Beware!

Yesterday, I began round 2 of my spring cleaning regimen. I found some orange oil stuff for wood under the kitchen sink, so I thought to myself, why not use this on the hardwood floors all over the apartment since I'm going to be mopping anyways. The floors are certainly shining and look like a V05 commercial for wood, but they are also slicker than a used car salesman covered in sun tan oil. I'll just be walking around the apartment and all of a sudden, I'll lose my footing. The first couple of times it was funny and novel, now its just hazardous. I wonder how long all of this beauty and a buffoonery will last?

The kitchen is another story altogether. I've mopped the floor in there twice, but it just won't stay clean. Shoes are taken off as soon as I get into the house and I don't have any pets, but it just won't stay clean. It's white linoleum, so maybe there's a trick to keeping it clean that I haven't learned yet.

One thing that did go well was the bunny hunt. Those dust bunnies learned the meaning of fear yesterday. I was merciless!

And Another Thing!

Is it just me, or do the women and men who are really making strides with their artwork in the music scene getting overlooked!

Tweet, Brandy, Yummy Bingham, Junior Boys etc.

Yesterday in the youth group that I co-facilitate, the group members were watching Beyonce's new video thing and I couldn't even stop myself. I went up to the tv, paused the DVD and gave a little lecture on media images, target audiences, and what it means to be gullable. Don't get me wrong, her work certainly warrants our accolades and merit; but ALL of it? No!

I know that I can't expect everyone to spend as much time and energy searching for artists and artwork that bring more to the table than your standard studio sirens, or label lobotomized lyricists. However, there has to be a better way to engage an audience than singing in the same old key of sex and excess!

Weather you Like it or Not

Why is the weather giving me all of this. Just when I begin to think that we're making some progress, and the seasons are actually changing, I find that I'm engulfed in winter again. Why? Its time to check out that Al Gore film, "An Inconvenient Truth" and finally get to the bottom of this ridiculousness.

Well, I'm finally working on putting together a small company. YAY! Some friends and I have begun a young artists consortium that will soon be incorporated as a talent agency. It's good to finally have a primary project to focus on.

You are not Alone

This weekend I've been fortunate enough to spend time with nine friends over the course of two days.

As long as I've lived in this city, I don't think I've ever, "done" it the way I did it this weekend (which isn't even over yet). Having the right people to go to places with and enjoy all that the city has to offer with makes being here all the more enjoyable.

I really feel as though I've received the most bang for my buck this weekend, and I have my friends to thank for that.

I've always been a firm believer that people make an experience and not places or things. This weekend has been further proof of that. In response to this new appreciation I have for bringing as many of my friends and associates together as possible for events, I plan to be much more aware of who is around me and the reasons why I chose to spend time with certain people.

Recuperation

So winter is slowly easing its icy grip on the city. My respiratory system and sinus cavities rejoice!

I had planned on making a short visit to DC for a birthday party and to see friends, but lack of funds at the moment has forced me to postpone it until next week. I don't mind not being extraordinarily rich, but it would be nice to have enough money to do things the way I wanted to do them and when I wanted to do them. Whatever

Does anyone else come home from the club or a night out on the town and find a scratch or a bruise on themselves? It is such a mystery to me. I came home the other night from going out with friends, and there was a thin scratch on my face that has healed but has left me with the deeper scar of having experienced this numerous times without any clue to how or why it has happened? I couldn't be getting that drunk? Right?

Whatever

So, I have this unsettling habit that I'm trying to break. I've tried to replace it with another activity and that worked for a while, but now I've gone back to the original behavior. Even though this behavior may sometimes keep me from doing something much worse, I still want to have better control over myself and know that I'm not compulsively acting out... its interesting and scary and annoying all at once.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

Will this winter never end? I can't believe how cold its getting here in NY. I thought we had gone through the worst of it in February. I feel trapped in my apartment. I can't go to the gym or visit with my friends uptown because in a few moments out in the elements makes me feel like I'm putting my health at risk. Even when bundled up, my fingers freeze up and tingle, my nose hardens, my breathing slows, my ears all but fall off, its not cute.

DC better be at least ten degrees warmer when I attempt a visit in a week or so.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Today, one of my friends called me and told me that he was in the hospital. I hate when people do that. They wait until there is nothing that you can do, and then spring something on you that may call for you to help out in some way. It's very passive aggressive. But, I wish him well and will be checking up on him later on in the week.

I forgot to call another one of my friends on his birthday and now its too early in the morning to do it today, so he and I will have to wait a bit longer to exchange pleasantries over the phone.

Pictures, I need go get a camera and take more pictures of myself and my surroundings. I've been going places and doing things, and I have no evidence of it all besides my own faltering memories. Sad

So, the summer diet has started today and my body is beginning to forgive me for the evils I've inflicted upon it during the frosty months of winter. No more blubber luvin', it's all about skin, muscle and bone now.

OK Things to do SOON!

TAXES!
Cat
Spring cleaning!

The House that ---------- Built!

So... I think i'm joining a house. Since I have moved to New York and been working as a service provider in the HIV prevention field, I've come in contact with a lot of different populations, subcultures, scenes etc. One of these groups of people has come to inhabit quite a bit of my heart. The House Ball community is exploding with talent, energy, creativity, fun and excitement. Who wouldn't want to be a part of it all?

While working with members of the House Ball community at my agency and providing services for the community through the agency's programming, I have met some wonderful people who see the same potential for growth, experimentation and development that I do. It doesn't surprise me at all though. One of the first things that a good friend of mine said to me before I started working more heavily within the House Ball community was, "... Don't get caught up in their world...". But even then, we both knew it was too late and that my personality wouldn't allow me to see such wonders and walk away uninterested.

It all fits together in many ways; how I've been working on my music and meeting artists that have asked me to represent them and guide them, my own personal dilly-dallying in entertainment at college and here in NY. Now, with the contacts and structure that being in on the ground floor of a groundbreaking new house will bring, all of those experiences and projects can learn from each other and enhance my total body of work.

Cool

More Sinus trouble

I think going to Jersey the other day and being out in the cold for too long gave me some sinus trouble. Just like when I went to Boston. When will I ever learn.

So...I finally started cleaning up the apt. today. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! I just have to get into a schedule.

The Grammy's were very interesting. I didn't see it from the beginning, but from what I did see, they seem to have taken all of the fun and excitement out of the actual presentation of the award. Way too often, the viewer finds them selves enjoying a fairly solid performance from an artist or band, and directly afterwards, witness the same act receiving an award. Now I know it's customary to have the most favored artists of the moment perform their most recent hit at events, but come on.

I want to be surprised. I would rather have the Grammy's be more adventurous and enlightening by taking the viewer on a tour of less popular but just as valuable recording endeavors National Geographic style, than feel like I'm watching a souped-up TRL!

But thats just me. However and Yet!, I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of homage and recognition that was paid to groundbreaking artists who are no longer with us and legendary performers who still are. That was well done and well deserved.

Practicing with a Cold

I plan to start getting my poems, songs, random musings, etc together to record a very short demo in the near future. In preparation for this, I've been working out the chops lately just to let them know what is to be expected of them later on.

Its messy. I have a cold right now that's really been reeking havoc on my singing voice and my speaking voice as well. Post a comment and let me know what you think...

Gab Boy

Gabcast! Snizatch Blog #3

New Pic, Old Tric

So, here's another sepia toned pic of me. Trust me, i look a lot better in sepia.
I met with an old friend today at starbucks and caught up. Although he's not really an old friend, I call him that cause I can see our relationship very quickly becoming that of two people of have known each other for some time. We speak very frankly and directly to each other and there are few people in my life who I can really do that with. As time marches on, I find myself speaking to these few people more than any of the other people I come in contact with.

Get this though, I actually chose to stay at home and catch up on some personal work rather than go out with two buddies tonight. Drinking and acting like I've been "let out of a cage" (as my grandmother so vividly describes it) were once a source of pride for me. Now, my actions, whether wild or respectful, are all performed with a sense of sincerety and purpose that befuddles even me. Who knew that letting loose could be done with as much purpose as holding back!?

Touring

Just got back from Boston, and so glad of it. I had a good time and all, but who wants to be on the road more than one week at a time? Not I, said the little black boy. It's good to be back in New York, and to celebrate, I've already schelduled some crazy time with the usual suspects.

Inspirational?

Well yesterday I wrote a brilliant song in the tub and then totally forgot it.
So me. I was about to go and do some work in the office and wanted to relax before I got there so I took a bath instead of a shower. Relaxing is not even the word, it was more like I trancended to another plane. I haven't had a bath like that in a while and I really let myself go, I felt the water and existed in my body and forced my mind's business into submission. I was singing stuff like wade in the water etc. Then, I started making up this song as i went called Bathe with me. I tried to write it down while I was on the way to work, but it just didn't go as well as in the tub. Well, what are you going to do?

I didn't go to church today, although I was genuine when I posted earlier about wanting to continue to go to the Horizon church, my reservations of late have been getting the best of me. Hopefully, I will soon overcome them and make time to either go to Horizon or find another church to attend.

More Cover Letters!

I really hate coverletters. I see the need for them, but writing them is so time consuming and nerve wrecking. I'm much more comfortable with face to face interviews and phone interviews. My writing style is very staccato and can seem kind of schitzo at times.

I finally went back to the gym for the fist time since the Christmas holiday season and coming back from NC. I'm sore, but its good to know that I can get back into the habit of going with little resistance from my body or even the rapidly shrinking mercury readings.

Back in the Habit!

I'm back from NC! It was such a blessing to be able to go back and visit with my family once again during the holiday season. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, and it never fails to bring new understanding and love between me and my kinfolk.

In fact, I was so inspired by conversations that I had with my middle brother while at home, I researched, discovered and attended a branch of the church he attends in Raleigh NC. The similarities between it and another non-denominational church my family attended when I was a little boy were striking. The music, the greetings, the set up of the sanctuary and their communion were almost identical. How comforting and remarkable!! I certainly plan to continue to worship, and study with with them.

Thank you Jesus Christ!

Off to see the Fam!

WOW! Even I'm having a hard time believing how much stuff I've managed to cram into my luggage. Making the trip to Edenton, North Carolina with me this year will be a vintage holiday suitcase packed with toiletries, outer garments, belts, gloves, hats and shoes, an oversized Kenneth Cole cloth tote packed with carry-on items and gifts, and a JWorld backpack / roller luggage hybrid filled to the brim with clothes.

Every year I make this journey back to the "mother-state" and make a big deal out of it along the way. Mostly because I usually only go back once every year for Christmas and its become a highly anticipated visit, both on my part and the part of my family.

Holiday Greetings to Everyone!!!

Open Bars are Evil.... but I'll be Home for Christmas

So... My agency had another open bar christmas party this past friday... Fun Fun Fun...
I, of course, went a little overboard and had to leave early, missing the fight that broke out soon thereafter... thank goodness. Lesson learned = Just because you used to have an amazing tolerance level in college doesn't mean you have one now!

Now as for Christmas, it is one of my favorite holidays. The celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The story of the nativity, the songs, the decorations, the food, the gifts, the family fellowship. Let's face it, its what makes life worth living! And on the 20th of December, insha'Allah (God willing), I will be returning to Edenton, North Carolina to live that life.

I've finally finished "In an Antique Land" by Amitav Ghosh. It was amazing, and I've picked up some of the book's Muslim lingo, as you can see. I've never really learned that much about Arabic or the Islamic faith, but seeing as how the entire world is embroiled in Muslim conflicts right now, its about time that I took a look at it. My next book will most likely be about African Muslims and a civil war that took place years ago. I'll post the name of it as soon as I start reading it.

Secrets of Life in the North Atlantic

When you live on an island in the North Atlantic Ocean, you can't always go where you want to go and do the things that you would like to do. It just gets too cold sometimes. I want to go to the gym tonight, I honestly and truly do. However, the fear of braving the extreme elements prevents me from making my way over there at the moment. I'm very warm and comfortable in my apartment at the moment and can get quite a workout practicing dance, doing crunches and situps right here on my bedroom floor. So I think I'll save the gym for Wednesday.

You know that feeling you have when you know a really juicy secret and you really want to tell your close friend who'll appreciate it as much as you do? I have that feeling right now, that itch to tell someone all about it, but I can't scratch that itch. Want to know why? Here's why... It would be unethical, and I'm trying to teach myself a lesson. Here's the lesson. A secret is special only because its a secret. When you tell a secret, it not only looses its social capital as a rarely known tid bit of information, you loose the power from being in possession of such a commodity.

In my case, the secret pertains to my position at work and although I am daily confided in and told innumerable secrets, knowing something about someone that knows you and that your friends know is completely different. Are you going to be a gossip and tell? Is it going to eat away at you inside for months on end like a worm trying to get out of an apple? Here's what I think. I think that we as needy, selfish, self promoting and aggrandizing human beings attempt to use knowledge against other people for our own gain and disguise this fault as curiosity and mindless fun. So... with that belief firmly rooted in my conscience, I have decided not to share the secret that I have learned today with my good friend who would really enjoy it in a sick and twisted way. I am going to use this secret as an self encouragement to promote less conjecture and misinformation in my circle of friends and more quiet reflection, understanding and satisfaction with known facts. And thats it.

Cholera / Dysentary

I was so sick on Friday! It didn't make any kind of sense. I believe I had some bad Lactaid and cereal along with a 24hr flu bug I must have picked up from the doctors office. It wasn't pretty, so I'll spare you the particulars.

My good good friend from college was up this past weekend to visit and we had a cordial time together for a change. We usually have some kind of emotional run in before its all said and done, but this time I just took things in stride and didn't try to evaluate everyone's positions and actions. I had fun.

Still looking forward to going home for Christmas. I mean, who isn't. Yes, it's great to live in such a vibrant city, but when Its time to give thanks for the mysteries of life and the eternal love that is the bond of blood and faith, I want to be away from the cold, unyielding city. I want to be back on the farm with the crunch of the frozen morning dew under my feet. I want to be able to see the sun when it rises and see it when it sets. awww

Late night Dates

Yeah, so, I received a call the other day at like 3 in the morning. Yes, I was awake and no, I didn't answer it. I was actually playing World of Warcraft, but I'm not going to blog about that right now. Its a great game and yes I have lost a little bit of myself in it, but its an easy way to let off some steam. So there I said it, back to the Dates.

Tonight I received another call from a good friend who is vacationing abroad. Mexico to be exact. He said he had forgotten about the time difference and he wanted to talk about some stuff. After some gentle cajolling, he finally told me what was really going on with him and I rolled up my nerve endings and dove in headfirst.

I don't know what it is about me that makes him think I'm the right person for the job. Maybe its my training in Anthropology, and counseling, my excellent listening skills, my years of experience as a previously unhappy and troubled person or maybe, I'm just the only person he knows who's insomnia keeps him up and at random, unnecessary tasks in the wee hours of the night. LIKE THIS BLOG!

But, I'm certainly glad that he confides in me. I get a great deal out of our late night sessions as well. He gives me a good sounding board to my own thoughts and ideas about life. I fancy him as a neophyte poet and philosopher and myself as his muse / therapist / friend who only wants to see him bring forth all the creativity and intelligence that his insecurities keep bottled up inside. For that matter, when I talk to him, I fancy myself as one of his peers, walking alongside him on his path to greatness, experiencing things that make me more and more aware and in control of my own talents. Even though he didn't like my t-shirts all that much!

Well, like the two of us, they'll get better with time and experience.

No complaints

Yesterday I had the good fortune to be visited by one of my good friends from college who is now completing a masters degree program in Boston. We went dancing in Manhattan and had a wonderful time reminiscing on days gone by as well as making new memories.
I have to say that I have no complaints.

Thanksgiving was such a well needed respite from work and the usual grind of New York living. I was very blessed to have been able to spend it in the company of good food and even better friends. I've used this holiday to mark the beginning of a new life policy for myself. I'm going to dramatically reduce the amount of complaining that I engage in. When I feel like something is getting on my nerves or not working the way I want it to, instead of complaining, I'm going to take action to set it right or state my gratefullness at the things that are going right. It seems like such an easy thing to do but I assure you its more difficult that it seems.

How many times have you watched the new or had a conversation with a family member or coworker and just been overwhelmed by the suck factor in some situation or person? This was becoming an everyday occurrance for me and I'm most certain that this negative perspective was seeping into my very consciousness. So, I'm going to do something about it right now. And no, I'm not going to turn into one of those "cheery for no reason", "every cloud has a silver lining" people, I'm still going to be a man of truth and dignity and reality. However, my demeanor will be much more positive and my attention will only be given to worthwhile endeavors. Hopefully, this new proactive Nate, will elicit less complaints from family and friends than the all too comfortable and lazy, reactive Nate.

Sweet Smelling Incense

Nothing much transpired today. I cleaned the kitchen and had pizza for dinner, took out the trash, read a Playstation magazine and burned some sweet smelling incense.

One thing that did get me kind of worked up was Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That show really moves me. I cry everytime I watch it. Even when it was first introduced to me by two close friends, they made sure we all had a box of kleenex handy before the program began. In such a short amount of time, a group of people's sorry and misfortunes is presented to you in such a simple and human way that you can't help but truly feel for them and wish them the best. I'm not one for needless shows of emotion, or less than genuine acts of altruism, and this show somehow manages to dodge both of these bullets without much effort.

Yes, Disney has bought ABC and infused it with it's own special brand of lovey dovey sappy sweetness. However, there isn't a modern man or woman alive in America that wasn't either raised on hopeful, dreamy Disney programming or at least exposed to it.
I don't know what else to say. How could a Disneyfied, hourlong commercial for Sears be so good? It must be some id / ego, jedi mind trick that Disney has perfected over the years. Maybe if we could get Disney / ABC to do some of America's foreign policy writing we could avoid some of the culture clash and ideal warring that seems to propel our current global conflicts? Who knows?

Audio post #2

Gabcast! Snizatch Blog #2

Many Things

Today was many things! I fought my way out of the comfort of my apt in Bay Ridge to go to work in Park Slope at the agency. I held back feelings of helplessness, confusion, anger, and fear while testing and giving results at the agency, and topped it all off with a lively religious conversation with a Buddhist while tipsy.

Due to my strong sense of professionalism, I can't and won't speak on the inner workings of my agency and the intricacies thereof. However, I can give my opinions on the state of social work in general in New York City. Social workers are misunderstood and burnt out! We're underfunded, underappreciated, under everythinged, yet, we're expected to be everyone's safety net when things go awry? Why is that? I don't want to have to continue to cut corners when it comes to the physical health and mental well being of my clients anymore due to lack of anything! Even when working at full capacity with all my cylinders firing, I can only handle so many cases at a time, especially while handling all the administrative and beurocratic nonsense that comes with working on a government grant as well. It's truly ridiculous. Maybe I should work harder, maybe I should give more of myself to "the cause"? Who knows? All I know right now is that there has to be a better way of tackling social issues. What do I suggest? Socialism! Duh! Americans are already living under a Republic pretending to be a Democracy anyways... Why not jut bite the bullet and have a Socialist system replace the barely legal, inherently flawed, capitalist republic we've been dragging like a wagon with square wheels into the 21st century? Higher Taxes, bring'em on! Big Government..yes please! I'd rather have my life influenced by treehugging, lefty liberalati know-it-alls than have it dictated to me by power hungry, money worshiping, right wing smoke screened, CEO's!

Whoooohhh !! I told you this post was many things.

Eartha Kitt and Joan Rivers

are old bootz! I was talking to a co-worker the other day about going to see a show in the city and their names came up and I just blurted out "...God is going to have to come and get those two bitches, cause they have made it very clear that they ain't going nowhere!..." What an awful thing to say! After all those two women have brought to this world in their art. I'm sorry dearhearts.

And New York Sports Club is such a mess. So... in my last audioblog I speak of the notorious happenings of certain NYSC's and how I'm nosey enough to want to take a gander. Oh how my faith was tested yesterday when I went to work out. There's this guy that lives in my neighborhood. A tall thin caucasion with bright eyes and long curly hair. Attractive. I've run into him online and at my favorite bodega. We cut eyes at each other and such. It's innocent.

I go into the gym yesterday and see him there for the first time, working out with a friend (I suppose). So... I'm keeping my composure enjoying myself, following my usual routine. I finish working on biceps and triceps and head of into one of the small matted rooms with mirrors to strech and do some abwork on the floor. As soon as I get comfortable and roll up my sleeves to visually measure the progress of my bicep, here he comes, right behind me. Now... this is the moment where I could have been gutter about it and allowed a convo or some sort of interaction take place, but my momma didn't raise me like that. So instead, I immediately turn my back to him, fall to the floor and begin my excercises, completely ignoring his presence, he does a few push-ups and leaves as quietly and quickly as he came.

Aww... Now I feel bad. Its that whole perception thing. I didn't want to seem like a stalker whore who would love to meet someone at the gym, but I also don't want to be all, I'm better than "that kind of thing".

Stoopid!! Stoopid!!

Gabcast Audio Blog Entry

Gabcast! Snizatch Blog #1

Artsy Fartsy

I'm so glad to be back in the city and out of Rochester! I learned some good stuff while I was there though. I've been doing a lot of lazy artwork lately so I thought I'd slap it onto some tshirts and sell it. I'll be wearing it out first to generate talk though. Wish me luck!

Vacation Time

I need to take a vacation. I've been acting really crazy lately and I can't seem to get it together. I'm actually embarrassed and mad at myself for being so emotional lately. I've been feeling jealousy, anger, despair, confusion, attraction, and aversion towards random people in my life for the past few months and I can't figure out why.

I seriously need to reset my "internals" with some rest and relaxation!

Brandy Slideshow

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

Follow Me

A new song from Brandy

New Thoughts

Well,

I spoke with my mother the other day about some random issues and the issue of gay marriage and voting came up somehow. I shared my views with her and she felt very surprised to hear that I didn't think it was important to act on those views by participating in any state legislation votes etc.

She really forced me to take a second look at the meaning of belief and how I've been participating in social discourse. Can you really say you believe in something without acting on it. Kind of like lies of omission, if you're going to say something you have to say all of it for it to be truth. If I say I believe in something I should act on it to complete the statement.

Uh OH!

Ok, I have to apologize. I did create a post from Rochester but due to my rushing onto the plan, I think it got lost in cyberspace. I'll try again later.

Surprise!

I'm still trying to compile little writings that I've done here and there over the years and today I found the unfinished letter that I wrote to Oprah attempting to gain some sort of assistance from her with my school tuition. I was nineteen and retarded when I wrote it, it's priceless!

Starting Line

Hey. Here's the T!

Yesterday, myself and a co-worker attended a meeting of HIV prevention service providers and faith based community leaders who are working together to make communities of faith a safer place for HIV education and prevention. It was truly inspiring! The motives and attitudes of the people there were genuine, selfless and full of courage. Several ministers / Phd's spoke during the meeting, all with different views and backgrounds, but all with a common message of non-judgemental service to communities of color in regards to sexual health.

You can only imagine what a blessing it was for me, as a Christian and a spiritual person to be in the presence of faith leaders who agreed that there was a better way to reach out to people of difference regarding sexual health. I was very moved. So much so in fact that I believe I will be attending a Methodist Church in my neighborhood this Sunday.

Work Brandy!

First, before I go off and how creative and amazing my girl Brandy is, I need to apologize for not posting as much as I should have. I keep forgetting that I can do audio posts and I've been away on business for a few days. However, I promise that I will do an audiopost from Rochester (aka Ro cha cha) when I go up there for a training on the 23rd.

Now, I love Brandy! You really have to get into her song that was leaked on You Tube called

The Jones'

, as well as the other song that was leaked on

Concrete Loop

She has had such a respectable yet tenacious career and body of work. From being a Cover Girl to her own TV Show, movies, grammy award, etc. I really love her flavor. Anyways, I think people are making the mistake of taking her quiet reflection and calm resolve for weakness and being safe. Look again!

Post Nasal Drip

I'm sick. And not my usual sick and tired of being sick and tired, I'm actually ill.
Its very difficult for me, because I usually can take quite the beating. My sinuses are in a twicker right now. The executive assistant who used to work at my agency would always complain about his post nasal drip and how, no matter what he did, he couldn't get rid of it. Now that he's gone, I have it! It makes my eyes hurt. It dulls my senses. It puts me in a foul mood. It makes me extremely fatigued and it made me miss the gym again today. Today was the third day that I've missed the gym and I'm really starting to feel the bloat, I know its all in my head, but it's the principle of the thing.

I can't win from losing. I don't take medicine, and my head feels like I'm trying to balance a bowling ball on a toothpick, I do take medicine and I can hardly feel my head at all. So, I'm hoping that by Thursday afternoon, it will all subside and I can go back to feeling somewhat healthy. I may do some push-ups, cruches and stretches before I go to bed tonight, but its not the same thing.

I'm also having some trouble locating all of the poetry I've written over the past 5 years. Its in old computers, completely burried boxes, with exes, with friends, at home, just all over the eastern seaboard. But as soon as I get it all together, I'm going to send it out for editing and publishing ASAP. I've got to produce something this year!

OOPS!

I'm not usually a flaky person, but I did something flaky yesterday. I agreed to help one of my friends / coworker with his production for the Evisu Ball he plans to walk tomorrow. Another friend / ex-coworker invited me to go to the movies with him and some other people. While shopping in Manhattan, I just felt tired and overwhelmed and skipped the rehearsal for the production.

I was slated to be an arm holding a burning torch out the side of a roving circus caravan. And in all honesty, I believe that I'm talented enough to do this without any rehearsal whatsoever! Yet, I know that the person who I agreed to do this for is a stickler for details and has every right to be picky with his art. I know I am! After leaving him messages today I feel a little bit better, but I won't know the extent of his wrath until I talk to him.

2007 has got to be the turning point for me. I feel like I'm standing at that crossroads again. That point where you know and everyone else around you knows that there is no way you can keep going straight ahead, there's no more road. Somethings go to give. I think it's going to be my dedication to public health and community based organizing. My money is on grad school and me going completely estabishment!

Respect

It's important to give credance and validity to your own desires and abilities!
What's more real to a person than what they feel and what they create?

I said no to someone today. I just decided that what I wanted to do was more important than preventing someone from being disappointed in me. I respect myself for that. I believe it's a step in the right direction.

I'm not really looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I know that there is a long list of things that need to be done waiting for me. It's been a while since I've taken vacation time and now that this big project is looming over the horizon, I have to wait until its done or at least until it's taken care of before catching the next thing smoking out of NYC. What I need to be doing is saving up for an international trip. Paris, London something simple at first before I start venturing off into the corners of the globe.

The news coming from around the world is really starting to concern me. ( I know, clearly it should!) But, there is just such a constant negative tone to it. A certain despair that isn't normal, even for the cynical press. Almost all talk of alleviating human suffering and bringing a close to the constant violent conflicts have ceased. Where are the think tanks, the suggestions, the hopeful organizational declarations?

I don't know what to say... Maybe that's how everyone else feels....