WOW! Even I'm having a hard time believing how much stuff I've managed to cram into my luggage. Making the trip to Edenton, North Carolina with me this year will be a vintage holiday suitcase packed with toiletries, outer garments, belts, gloves, hats and shoes, an oversized Kenneth Cole cloth tote packed with carry-on items and gifts, and a JWorld backpack / roller luggage hybrid filled to the brim with clothes.
Every year I make this journey back to the "mother-state" and make a big deal out of it along the way. Mostly because I usually only go back once every year for Christmas and its become a highly anticipated visit, both on my part and the part of my family.
Holiday Greetings to Everyone!!!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Open Bars are Evil.... but I'll be Home for Christmas
So... My agency had another open bar christmas party this past friday... Fun Fun Fun...
I, of course, went a little overboard and had to leave early, missing the fight that broke out soon thereafter... thank goodness. Lesson learned = Just because you used to have an amazing tolerance level in college doesn't mean you have one now!
Now as for Christmas, it is one of my favorite holidays. The celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The story of the nativity, the songs, the decorations, the food, the gifts, the family fellowship. Let's face it, its what makes life worth living! And on the 20th of December, insha'Allah (God willing), I will be returning to Edenton, North Carolina to live that life.
I've finally finished "In an Antique Land" by Amitav Ghosh. It was amazing, and I've picked up some of the book's Muslim lingo, as you can see. I've never really learned that much about Arabic or the Islamic faith, but seeing as how the entire world is embroiled in Muslim conflicts right now, its about time that I took a look at it. My next book will most likely be about African Muslims and a civil war that took place years ago. I'll post the name of it as soon as I start reading it.
I, of course, went a little overboard and had to leave early, missing the fight that broke out soon thereafter... thank goodness. Lesson learned = Just because you used to have an amazing tolerance level in college doesn't mean you have one now!
Now as for Christmas, it is one of my favorite holidays. The celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The story of the nativity, the songs, the decorations, the food, the gifts, the family fellowship. Let's face it, its what makes life worth living! And on the 20th of December, insha'Allah (God willing), I will be returning to Edenton, North Carolina to live that life.
I've finally finished "In an Antique Land" by Amitav Ghosh. It was amazing, and I've picked up some of the book's Muslim lingo, as you can see. I've never really learned that much about Arabic or the Islamic faith, but seeing as how the entire world is embroiled in Muslim conflicts right now, its about time that I took a look at it. My next book will most likely be about African Muslims and a civil war that took place years ago. I'll post the name of it as soon as I start reading it.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Secrets of Life in the North Atlantic
When you live on an island in the North Atlantic Ocean, you can't always go where you want to go and do the things that you would like to do. It just gets too cold sometimes. I want to go to the gym tonight, I honestly and truly do. However, the fear of braving the extreme elements prevents me from making my way over there at the moment. I'm very warm and comfortable in my apartment at the moment and can get quite a workout practicing dance, doing crunches and situps right here on my bedroom floor. So I think I'll save the gym for Wednesday.
You know that feeling you have when you know a really juicy secret and you really want to tell your close friend who'll appreciate it as much as you do? I have that feeling right now, that itch to tell someone all about it, but I can't scratch that itch. Want to know why? Here's why... It would be unethical, and I'm trying to teach myself a lesson. Here's the lesson. A secret is special only because its a secret. When you tell a secret, it not only looses its social capital as a rarely known tid bit of information, you loose the power from being in possession of such a commodity.
In my case, the secret pertains to my position at work and although I am daily confided in and told innumerable secrets, knowing something about someone that knows you and that your friends know is completely different. Are you going to be a gossip and tell? Is it going to eat away at you inside for months on end like a worm trying to get out of an apple? Here's what I think. I think that we as needy, selfish, self promoting and aggrandizing human beings attempt to use knowledge against other people for our own gain and disguise this fault as curiosity and mindless fun. So... with that belief firmly rooted in my conscience, I have decided not to share the secret that I have learned today with my good friend who would really enjoy it in a sick and twisted way. I am going to use this secret as an self encouragement to promote less conjecture and misinformation in my circle of friends and more quiet reflection, understanding and satisfaction with known facts. And thats it.
You know that feeling you have when you know a really juicy secret and you really want to tell your close friend who'll appreciate it as much as you do? I have that feeling right now, that itch to tell someone all about it, but I can't scratch that itch. Want to know why? Here's why... It would be unethical, and I'm trying to teach myself a lesson. Here's the lesson. A secret is special only because its a secret. When you tell a secret, it not only looses its social capital as a rarely known tid bit of information, you loose the power from being in possession of such a commodity.
In my case, the secret pertains to my position at work and although I am daily confided in and told innumerable secrets, knowing something about someone that knows you and that your friends know is completely different. Are you going to be a gossip and tell? Is it going to eat away at you inside for months on end like a worm trying to get out of an apple? Here's what I think. I think that we as needy, selfish, self promoting and aggrandizing human beings attempt to use knowledge against other people for our own gain and disguise this fault as curiosity and mindless fun. So... with that belief firmly rooted in my conscience, I have decided not to share the secret that I have learned today with my good friend who would really enjoy it in a sick and twisted way. I am going to use this secret as an self encouragement to promote less conjecture and misinformation in my circle of friends and more quiet reflection, understanding and satisfaction with known facts. And thats it.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Cholera / Dysentary
I was so sick on Friday! It didn't make any kind of sense. I believe I had some bad Lactaid and cereal along with a 24hr flu bug I must have picked up from the doctors office. It wasn't pretty, so I'll spare you the particulars.
My good good friend from college was up this past weekend to visit and we had a cordial time together for a change. We usually have some kind of emotional run in before its all said and done, but this time I just took things in stride and didn't try to evaluate everyone's positions and actions. I had fun.
Still looking forward to going home for Christmas. I mean, who isn't. Yes, it's great to live in such a vibrant city, but when Its time to give thanks for the mysteries of life and the eternal love that is the bond of blood and faith, I want to be away from the cold, unyielding city. I want to be back on the farm with the crunch of the frozen morning dew under my feet. I want to be able to see the sun when it rises and see it when it sets. awww
My good good friend from college was up this past weekend to visit and we had a cordial time together for a change. We usually have some kind of emotional run in before its all said and done, but this time I just took things in stride and didn't try to evaluate everyone's positions and actions. I had fun.
Still looking forward to going home for Christmas. I mean, who isn't. Yes, it's great to live in such a vibrant city, but when Its time to give thanks for the mysteries of life and the eternal love that is the bond of blood and faith, I want to be away from the cold, unyielding city. I want to be back on the farm with the crunch of the frozen morning dew under my feet. I want to be able to see the sun when it rises and see it when it sets. awww
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Late night Dates
Yeah, so, I received a call the other day at like 3 in the morning. Yes, I was awake and no, I didn't answer it. I was actually playing World of Warcraft, but I'm not going to blog about that right now. Its a great game and yes I have lost a little bit of myself in it, but its an easy way to let off some steam. So there I said it, back to the Dates.
Tonight I received another call from a good friend who is vacationing abroad. Mexico to be exact. He said he had forgotten about the time difference and he wanted to talk about some stuff. After some gentle cajolling, he finally told me what was really going on with him and I rolled up my nerve endings and dove in headfirst.
I don't know what it is about me that makes him think I'm the right person for the job. Maybe its my training in Anthropology, and counseling, my excellent listening skills, my years of experience as a previously unhappy and troubled person or maybe, I'm just the only person he knows who's insomnia keeps him up and at random, unnecessary tasks in the wee hours of the night. LIKE THIS BLOG!
But, I'm certainly glad that he confides in me. I get a great deal out of our late night sessions as well. He gives me a good sounding board to my own thoughts and ideas about life. I fancy him as a neophyte poet and philosopher and myself as his muse / therapist / friend who only wants to see him bring forth all the creativity and intelligence that his insecurities keep bottled up inside. For that matter, when I talk to him, I fancy myself as one of his peers, walking alongside him on his path to greatness, experiencing things that make me more and more aware and in control of my own talents. Even though he didn't like my t-shirts all that much!
Well, like the two of us, they'll get better with time and experience.
Tonight I received another call from a good friend who is vacationing abroad. Mexico to be exact. He said he had forgotten about the time difference and he wanted to talk about some stuff. After some gentle cajolling, he finally told me what was really going on with him and I rolled up my nerve endings and dove in headfirst.
I don't know what it is about me that makes him think I'm the right person for the job. Maybe its my training in Anthropology, and counseling, my excellent listening skills, my years of experience as a previously unhappy and troubled person or maybe, I'm just the only person he knows who's insomnia keeps him up and at random, unnecessary tasks in the wee hours of the night. LIKE THIS BLOG!
But, I'm certainly glad that he confides in me. I get a great deal out of our late night sessions as well. He gives me a good sounding board to my own thoughts and ideas about life. I fancy him as a neophyte poet and philosopher and myself as his muse / therapist / friend who only wants to see him bring forth all the creativity and intelligence that his insecurities keep bottled up inside. For that matter, when I talk to him, I fancy myself as one of his peers, walking alongside him on his path to greatness, experiencing things that make me more and more aware and in control of my own talents. Even though he didn't like my t-shirts all that much!
Well, like the two of us, they'll get better with time and experience.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
No complaints
Yesterday I had the good fortune to be visited by one of my good friends from college who is now completing a masters degree program in Boston. We went dancing in Manhattan and had a wonderful time reminiscing on days gone by as well as making new memories.
I have to say that I have no complaints.
Thanksgiving was such a well needed respite from work and the usual grind of New York living. I was very blessed to have been able to spend it in the company of good food and even better friends. I've used this holiday to mark the beginning of a new life policy for myself. I'm going to dramatically reduce the amount of complaining that I engage in. When I feel like something is getting on my nerves or not working the way I want it to, instead of complaining, I'm going to take action to set it right or state my gratefullness at the things that are going right. It seems like such an easy thing to do but I assure you its more difficult that it seems.
How many times have you watched the new or had a conversation with a family member or coworker and just been overwhelmed by the suck factor in some situation or person? This was becoming an everyday occurrance for me and I'm most certain that this negative perspective was seeping into my very consciousness. So, I'm going to do something about it right now. And no, I'm not going to turn into one of those "cheery for no reason", "every cloud has a silver lining" people, I'm still going to be a man of truth and dignity and reality. However, my demeanor will be much more positive and my attention will only be given to worthwhile endeavors. Hopefully, this new proactive Nate, will elicit less complaints from family and friends than the all too comfortable and lazy, reactive Nate.
I have to say that I have no complaints.
Thanksgiving was such a well needed respite from work and the usual grind of New York living. I was very blessed to have been able to spend it in the company of good food and even better friends. I've used this holiday to mark the beginning of a new life policy for myself. I'm going to dramatically reduce the amount of complaining that I engage in. When I feel like something is getting on my nerves or not working the way I want it to, instead of complaining, I'm going to take action to set it right or state my gratefullness at the things that are going right. It seems like such an easy thing to do but I assure you its more difficult that it seems.
How many times have you watched the new or had a conversation with a family member or coworker and just been overwhelmed by the suck factor in some situation or person? This was becoming an everyday occurrance for me and I'm most certain that this negative perspective was seeping into my very consciousness. So, I'm going to do something about it right now. And no, I'm not going to turn into one of those "cheery for no reason", "every cloud has a silver lining" people, I'm still going to be a man of truth and dignity and reality. However, my demeanor will be much more positive and my attention will only be given to worthwhile endeavors. Hopefully, this new proactive Nate, will elicit less complaints from family and friends than the all too comfortable and lazy, reactive Nate.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Sweet Smelling Incense
Nothing much transpired today. I cleaned the kitchen and had pizza for dinner, took out the trash, read a Playstation magazine and burned some sweet smelling incense.
One thing that did get me kind of worked up was Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That show really moves me. I cry everytime I watch it. Even when it was first introduced to me by two close friends, they made sure we all had a box of kleenex handy before the program began. In such a short amount of time, a group of people's sorry and misfortunes is presented to you in such a simple and human way that you can't help but truly feel for them and wish them the best. I'm not one for needless shows of emotion, or less than genuine acts of altruism, and this show somehow manages to dodge both of these bullets without much effort.
Yes, Disney has bought ABC and infused it with it's own special brand of lovey dovey sappy sweetness. However, there isn't a modern man or woman alive in America that wasn't either raised on hopeful, dreamy Disney programming or at least exposed to it.
I don't know what else to say. How could a Disneyfied, hourlong commercial for Sears be so good? It must be some id / ego, jedi mind trick that Disney has perfected over the years. Maybe if we could get Disney / ABC to do some of America's foreign policy writing we could avoid some of the culture clash and ideal warring that seems to propel our current global conflicts? Who knows?
One thing that did get me kind of worked up was Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That show really moves me. I cry everytime I watch it. Even when it was first introduced to me by two close friends, they made sure we all had a box of kleenex handy before the program began. In such a short amount of time, a group of people's sorry and misfortunes is presented to you in such a simple and human way that you can't help but truly feel for them and wish them the best. I'm not one for needless shows of emotion, or less than genuine acts of altruism, and this show somehow manages to dodge both of these bullets without much effort.
Yes, Disney has bought ABC and infused it with it's own special brand of lovey dovey sappy sweetness. However, there isn't a modern man or woman alive in America that wasn't either raised on hopeful, dreamy Disney programming or at least exposed to it.
I don't know what else to say. How could a Disneyfied, hourlong commercial for Sears be so good? It must be some id / ego, jedi mind trick that Disney has perfected over the years. Maybe if we could get Disney / ABC to do some of America's foreign policy writing we could avoid some of the culture clash and ideal warring that seems to propel our current global conflicts? Who knows?
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
Many Things
Today was many things! I fought my way out of the comfort of my apt in Bay Ridge to go to work in Park Slope at the agency. I held back feelings of helplessness, confusion, anger, and fear while testing and giving results at the agency, and topped it all off with a lively religious conversation with a Buddhist while tipsy.
Due to my strong sense of professionalism, I can't and won't speak on the inner workings of my agency and the intricacies thereof. However, I can give my opinions on the state of social work in general in New York City. Social workers are misunderstood and burnt out! We're underfunded, underappreciated, under everythinged, yet, we're expected to be everyone's safety net when things go awry? Why is that? I don't want to have to continue to cut corners when it comes to the physical health and mental well being of my clients anymore due to lack of anything! Even when working at full capacity with all my cylinders firing, I can only handle so many cases at a time, especially while handling all the administrative and beurocratic nonsense that comes with working on a government grant as well. It's truly ridiculous. Maybe I should work harder, maybe I should give more of myself to "the cause"? Who knows? All I know right now is that there has to be a better way of tackling social issues. What do I suggest? Socialism! Duh! Americans are already living under a Republic pretending to be a Democracy anyways... Why not jut bite the bullet and have a Socialist system replace the barely legal, inherently flawed, capitalist republic we've been dragging like a wagon with square wheels into the 21st century? Higher Taxes, bring'em on! Big Government..yes please! I'd rather have my life influenced by treehugging, lefty liberalati know-it-alls than have it dictated to me by power hungry, money worshiping, right wing smoke screened, CEO's!
Whoooohhh !! I told you this post was many things.
Due to my strong sense of professionalism, I can't and won't speak on the inner workings of my agency and the intricacies thereof. However, I can give my opinions on the state of social work in general in New York City. Social workers are misunderstood and burnt out! We're underfunded, underappreciated, under everythinged, yet, we're expected to be everyone's safety net when things go awry? Why is that? I don't want to have to continue to cut corners when it comes to the physical health and mental well being of my clients anymore due to lack of anything! Even when working at full capacity with all my cylinders firing, I can only handle so many cases at a time, especially while handling all the administrative and beurocratic nonsense that comes with working on a government grant as well. It's truly ridiculous. Maybe I should work harder, maybe I should give more of myself to "the cause"? Who knows? All I know right now is that there has to be a better way of tackling social issues. What do I suggest? Socialism! Duh! Americans are already living under a Republic pretending to be a Democracy anyways... Why not jut bite the bullet and have a Socialist system replace the barely legal, inherently flawed, capitalist republic we've been dragging like a wagon with square wheels into the 21st century? Higher Taxes, bring'em on! Big Government..yes please! I'd rather have my life influenced by treehugging, lefty liberalati know-it-alls than have it dictated to me by power hungry, money worshiping, right wing smoke screened, CEO's!
Whoooohhh !! I told you this post was many things.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Eartha Kitt and Joan Rivers
are old bootz! I was talking to a co-worker the other day about going to see a show in the city and their names came up and I just blurted out "...God is going to have to come and get those two bitches, cause they have made it very clear that they ain't going nowhere!..." What an awful thing to say! After all those two women have brought to this world in their art. I'm sorry dearhearts.
And New York Sports Club is such a mess. So... in my last audioblog I speak of the notorious happenings of certain NYSC's and how I'm nosey enough to want to take a gander. Oh how my faith was tested yesterday when I went to work out. There's this guy that lives in my neighborhood. A tall thin caucasion with bright eyes and long curly hair. Attractive. I've run into him online and at my favorite bodega. We cut eyes at each other and such. It's innocent.
I go into the gym yesterday and see him there for the first time, working out with a friend (I suppose). So... I'm keeping my composure enjoying myself, following my usual routine. I finish working on biceps and triceps and head of into one of the small matted rooms with mirrors to strech and do some abwork on the floor. As soon as I get comfortable and roll up my sleeves to visually measure the progress of my bicep, here he comes, right behind me. Now... this is the moment where I could have been gutter about it and allowed a convo or some sort of interaction take place, but my momma didn't raise me like that. So instead, I immediately turn my back to him, fall to the floor and begin my excercises, completely ignoring his presence, he does a few push-ups and leaves as quietly and quickly as he came.
Aww... Now I feel bad. Its that whole perception thing. I didn't want to seem like a stalker whore who would love to meet someone at the gym, but I also don't want to be all, I'm better than "that kind of thing".
Stoopid!! Stoopid!!
And New York Sports Club is such a mess. So... in my last audioblog I speak of the notorious happenings of certain NYSC's and how I'm nosey enough to want to take a gander. Oh how my faith was tested yesterday when I went to work out. There's this guy that lives in my neighborhood. A tall thin caucasion with bright eyes and long curly hair. Attractive. I've run into him online and at my favorite bodega. We cut eyes at each other and such. It's innocent.
I go into the gym yesterday and see him there for the first time, working out with a friend (I suppose). So... I'm keeping my composure enjoying myself, following my usual routine. I finish working on biceps and triceps and head of into one of the small matted rooms with mirrors to strech and do some abwork on the floor. As soon as I get comfortable and roll up my sleeves to visually measure the progress of my bicep, here he comes, right behind me. Now... this is the moment where I could have been gutter about it and allowed a convo or some sort of interaction take place, but my momma didn't raise me like that. So instead, I immediately turn my back to him, fall to the floor and begin my excercises, completely ignoring his presence, he does a few push-ups and leaves as quietly and quickly as he came.
Aww... Now I feel bad. Its that whole perception thing. I didn't want to seem like a stalker whore who would love to meet someone at the gym, but I also don't want to be all, I'm better than "that kind of thing".
Stoopid!! Stoopid!!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Artsy Fartsy
I'm so glad to be back in the city and out of Rochester! I learned some good stuff while I was there though. I've been doing a lot of lazy artwork lately so I thought I'd slap it onto some tshirts and sell it. I'll be wearing it out first to generate talk though. Wish me luck!
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Vacation Time
I need to take a vacation. I've been acting really crazy lately and I can't seem to get it together. I'm actually embarrassed and mad at myself for being so emotional lately. I've been feeling jealousy, anger, despair, confusion, attraction, and aversion towards random people in my life for the past few months and I can't figure out why.
I seriously need to reset my "internals" with some rest and relaxation!
I seriously need to reset my "internals" with some rest and relaxation!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
New Thoughts
Well,
I spoke with my mother the other day about some random issues and the issue of gay marriage and voting came up somehow. I shared my views with her and she felt very surprised to hear that I didn't think it was important to act on those views by participating in any state legislation votes etc.
She really forced me to take a second look at the meaning of belief and how I've been participating in social discourse. Can you really say you believe in something without acting on it. Kind of like lies of omission, if you're going to say something you have to say all of it for it to be truth. If I say I believe in something I should act on it to complete the statement.
I spoke with my mother the other day about some random issues and the issue of gay marriage and voting came up somehow. I shared my views with her and she felt very surprised to hear that I didn't think it was important to act on those views by participating in any state legislation votes etc.
She really forced me to take a second look at the meaning of belief and how I've been participating in social discourse. Can you really say you believe in something without acting on it. Kind of like lies of omission, if you're going to say something you have to say all of it for it to be truth. If I say I believe in something I should act on it to complete the statement.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Uh OH!
Ok, I have to apologize. I did create a post from Rochester but due to my rushing onto the plan, I think it got lost in cyberspace. I'll try again later.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Surprise!
I'm still trying to compile little writings that I've done here and there over the years and today I found the unfinished letter that I wrote to Oprah attempting to gain some sort of assistance from her with my school tuition. I was nineteen and retarded when I wrote it, it's priceless!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Starting Line
Hey. Here's the T!
Yesterday, myself and a co-worker attended a meeting of HIV prevention service providers and faith based community leaders who are working together to make communities of faith a safer place for HIV education and prevention. It was truly inspiring! The motives and attitudes of the people there were genuine, selfless and full of courage. Several ministers / Phd's spoke during the meeting, all with different views and backgrounds, but all with a common message of non-judgemental service to communities of color in regards to sexual health.
You can only imagine what a blessing it was for me, as a Christian and a spiritual person to be in the presence of faith leaders who agreed that there was a better way to reach out to people of difference regarding sexual health. I was very moved. So much so in fact that I believe I will be attending a Methodist Church in my neighborhood this Sunday.
Yesterday, myself and a co-worker attended a meeting of HIV prevention service providers and faith based community leaders who are working together to make communities of faith a safer place for HIV education and prevention. It was truly inspiring! The motives and attitudes of the people there were genuine, selfless and full of courage. Several ministers / Phd's spoke during the meeting, all with different views and backgrounds, but all with a common message of non-judgemental service to communities of color in regards to sexual health.
You can only imagine what a blessing it was for me, as a Christian and a spiritual person to be in the presence of faith leaders who agreed that there was a better way to reach out to people of difference regarding sexual health. I was very moved. So much so in fact that I believe I will be attending a Methodist Church in my neighborhood this Sunday.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Work Brandy!
First, before I go off and how creative and amazing my girl Brandy is, I need to apologize for not posting as much as I should have. I keep forgetting that I can do audio posts and I've been away on business for a few days. However, I promise that I will do an audiopost from Rochester (aka Ro cha cha) when I go up there for a training on the 23rd.
Now, I love Brandy! You really have to get into her song that was leaked on You Tube calledThe Jones' , as well as the other song that was leaked on Concrete Loop
She has had such a respectable yet tenacious career and body of work. From being a Cover Girl to her own TV Show, movies, grammy award, etc. I really love her flavor. Anyways, I think people are making the mistake of taking her quiet reflection and calm resolve for weakness and being safe. Look again!
Now, I love Brandy! You really have to get into her song that was leaked on You Tube called
She has had such a respectable yet tenacious career and body of work. From being a Cover Girl to her own TV Show, movies, grammy award, etc. I really love her flavor. Anyways, I think people are making the mistake of taking her quiet reflection and calm resolve for weakness and being safe. Look again!
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Post Nasal Drip
I'm sick. And not my usual sick and tired of being sick and tired, I'm actually ill.
Its very difficult for me, because I usually can take quite the beating. My sinuses are in a twicker right now. The executive assistant who used to work at my agency would always complain about his post nasal drip and how, no matter what he did, he couldn't get rid of it. Now that he's gone, I have it! It makes my eyes hurt. It dulls my senses. It puts me in a foul mood. It makes me extremely fatigued and it made me miss the gym again today. Today was the third day that I've missed the gym and I'm really starting to feel the bloat, I know its all in my head, but it's the principle of the thing.
I can't win from losing. I don't take medicine, and my head feels like I'm trying to balance a bowling ball on a toothpick, I do take medicine and I can hardly feel my head at all. So, I'm hoping that by Thursday afternoon, it will all subside and I can go back to feeling somewhat healthy. I may do some push-ups, cruches and stretches before I go to bed tonight, but its not the same thing.
I'm also having some trouble locating all of the poetry I've written over the past 5 years. Its in old computers, completely burried boxes, with exes, with friends, at home, just all over the eastern seaboard. But as soon as I get it all together, I'm going to send it out for editing and publishing ASAP. I've got to produce something this year!
Its very difficult for me, because I usually can take quite the beating. My sinuses are in a twicker right now. The executive assistant who used to work at my agency would always complain about his post nasal drip and how, no matter what he did, he couldn't get rid of it. Now that he's gone, I have it! It makes my eyes hurt. It dulls my senses. It puts me in a foul mood. It makes me extremely fatigued and it made me miss the gym again today. Today was the third day that I've missed the gym and I'm really starting to feel the bloat, I know its all in my head, but it's the principle of the thing.
I can't win from losing. I don't take medicine, and my head feels like I'm trying to balance a bowling ball on a toothpick, I do take medicine and I can hardly feel my head at all. So, I'm hoping that by Thursday afternoon, it will all subside and I can go back to feeling somewhat healthy. I may do some push-ups, cruches and stretches before I go to bed tonight, but its not the same thing.
I'm also having some trouble locating all of the poetry I've written over the past 5 years. Its in old computers, completely burried boxes, with exes, with friends, at home, just all over the eastern seaboard. But as soon as I get it all together, I'm going to send it out for editing and publishing ASAP. I've got to produce something this year!
Saturday, October 07, 2006
OOPS!
I'm not usually a flaky person, but I did something flaky yesterday. I agreed to help one of my friends / coworker with his production for the Evisu Ball he plans to walk tomorrow. Another friend / ex-coworker invited me to go to the movies with him and some other people. While shopping in Manhattan, I just felt tired and overwhelmed and skipped the rehearsal for the production.
I was slated to be an arm holding a burning torch out the side of a roving circus caravan. And in all honesty, I believe that I'm talented enough to do this without any rehearsal whatsoever! Yet, I know that the person who I agreed to do this for is a stickler for details and has every right to be picky with his art. I know I am! After leaving him messages today I feel a little bit better, but I won't know the extent of his wrath until I talk to him.
2007 has got to be the turning point for me. I feel like I'm standing at that crossroads again. That point where you know and everyone else around you knows that there is no way you can keep going straight ahead, there's no more road. Somethings go to give. I think it's going to be my dedication to public health and community based organizing. My money is on grad school and me going completely estabishment!
I was slated to be an arm holding a burning torch out the side of a roving circus caravan. And in all honesty, I believe that I'm talented enough to do this without any rehearsal whatsoever! Yet, I know that the person who I agreed to do this for is a stickler for details and has every right to be picky with his art. I know I am! After leaving him messages today I feel a little bit better, but I won't know the extent of his wrath until I talk to him.
2007 has got to be the turning point for me. I feel like I'm standing at that crossroads again. That point where you know and everyone else around you knows that there is no way you can keep going straight ahead, there's no more road. Somethings go to give. I think it's going to be my dedication to public health and community based organizing. My money is on grad school and me going completely estabishment!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Respect
It's important to give credance and validity to your own desires and abilities!
What's more real to a person than what they feel and what they create?
I said no to someone today. I just decided that what I wanted to do was more important than preventing someone from being disappointed in me. I respect myself for that. I believe it's a step in the right direction.
I'm not really looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I know that there is a long list of things that need to be done waiting for me. It's been a while since I've taken vacation time and now that this big project is looming over the horizon, I have to wait until its done or at least until it's taken care of before catching the next thing smoking out of NYC. What I need to be doing is saving up for an international trip. Paris, London something simple at first before I start venturing off into the corners of the globe.
The news coming from around the world is really starting to concern me. ( I know, clearly it should!) But, there is just such a constant negative tone to it. A certain despair that isn't normal, even for the cynical press. Almost all talk of alleviating human suffering and bringing a close to the constant violent conflicts have ceased. Where are the think tanks, the suggestions, the hopeful organizational declarations?
I don't know what to say... Maybe that's how everyone else feels....
What's more real to a person than what they feel and what they create?
I said no to someone today. I just decided that what I wanted to do was more important than preventing someone from being disappointed in me. I respect myself for that. I believe it's a step in the right direction.
I'm not really looking forward to going to work tomorrow. I know that there is a long list of things that need to be done waiting for me. It's been a while since I've taken vacation time and now that this big project is looming over the horizon, I have to wait until its done or at least until it's taken care of before catching the next thing smoking out of NYC. What I need to be doing is saving up for an international trip. Paris, London something simple at first before I start venturing off into the corners of the globe.
The news coming from around the world is really starting to concern me. ( I know, clearly it should!) But, there is just such a constant negative tone to it. A certain despair that isn't normal, even for the cynical press. Almost all talk of alleviating human suffering and bringing a close to the constant violent conflicts have ceased. Where are the think tanks, the suggestions, the hopeful organizational declarations?
I don't know what to say... Maybe that's how everyone else feels....
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Choices
Did you know that if you neglect to fullfil your duty as a citizen of the USA, you could be fined or jailed? It's good information to know. It's also why I will waking up spry to report for jury duty on Jay Street in Brooklyn Thursday morning! As a person who has already been labled "previously absent", it's a good idea for me to show my face this time.
It's really going to bug me that I haven't found and downloaded Brandy's unreleased track The Jones. Of course it's unbelievably hot and pertinent to my life right now, so I'm not going to stop until I have it on my ipod.
So, we'll see what's good with this juror thing. I'll try and do an audiopost from the courthouse. A mess!
It's really going to bug me that I haven't found and downloaded Brandy's unreleased track The Jones. Of course it's unbelievably hot and pertinent to my life right now, so I'm not going to stop until I have it on my ipod.
So, we'll see what's good with this juror thing. I'll try and do an audiopost from the courthouse. A mess!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Crack
The new Betty Butterfield, cracks me up so fiercely! I even took the time to leave her a response, and I NEVER do that. It's funny cause one of my coworkers and I have adopted these horribly racist white trash voices to speak to each other when we're making fun of people or things. Thank you Betty!
I think it was the weekend before last that one of my good friends came up from DC and we hung out in the city. I'm not sure what kind of cosmic function / equation it is, but everytime I hang out with people I haven't seen in a while, we end up going on this neverending story type adventure that is so completely different from what I usually encounter socially, that I can barely believe its happening. So there's another useless thing for me to ponder.
The gym thing is working out really really well. I've added some new workouts to my 'routine' (sad, I know) and I'm really starting to challenge myself with the weights that i'm lifting and the effort that I put into each session. Go me. On the other hand, I have been a bit remiss in my plan to upgrade the decoration / furnishing in my apartment. Whether it's time, funds, energy, or motivation, i simply don't know. So that has to be corrected as soon as possible.
Stay tuned for more pics of me, links to videos, and now audioblogs that won't make much sense to people other than my close friends who have tuned their ears to my snippets of sanity.
I think it was the weekend before last that one of my good friends came up from DC and we hung out in the city. I'm not sure what kind of cosmic function / equation it is, but everytime I hang out with people I haven't seen in a while, we end up going on this neverending story type adventure that is so completely different from what I usually encounter socially, that I can barely believe its happening. So there's another useless thing for me to ponder.
The gym thing is working out really really well. I've added some new workouts to my 'routine' (sad, I know) and I'm really starting to challenge myself with the weights that i'm lifting and the effort that I put into each session. Go me. On the other hand, I have been a bit remiss in my plan to upgrade the decoration / furnishing in my apartment. Whether it's time, funds, energy, or motivation, i simply don't know. So that has to be corrected as soon as possible.
Stay tuned for more pics of me, links to videos, and now audioblogs that won't make much sense to people other than my close friends who have tuned their ears to my snippets of sanity.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Motivate!
I found a gift from God today online. It's an unreleased song from Brandy called The Jones
Also there are two new Betty Butterfield clips on you tube that are a must see!
I feel really motivated today. There's a postive energy or something going around that I've latched onto. Who knows how long it will last so I'll just be hopeful and leave it at that.
Oh, I'm reading the Bible again. That may have something to do with the positive energy. It's difficult to read but it's important for me to stay connected to God's word in some form or fashion to keep me grounded and mentally stable. For real!
Also there are two new Betty Butterfield clips on you tube that are a must see!
I feel really motivated today. There's a postive energy or something going around that I've latched onto. Who knows how long it will last so I'll just be hopeful and leave it at that.
Oh, I'm reading the Bible again. That may have something to do with the positive energy. It's difficult to read but it's important for me to stay connected to God's word in some form or fashion to keep me grounded and mentally stable. For real!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
La Dee Dah
Things are moving along in the land of Nate. Yesterday I did some sketching and cut some patterns for a new v-neck tshirt. It still needs a lot of work, but it was good to get on the sewing machine again and just have fun. Now that my body is finally starting to move in the direction I've been coaxing it for the past few months, i've been inspired to work on the tshirt line idea.
That's right, I've been inspired by my own body. It doesn't sound too kosher, but its a good thing. Who doesn't want to feel better about the way they look?
Oh. Doyle NY sent me some auction information and I'm seriously considering going to an auction soon. It's about time I show my face in 'high society' again. Doyle has a very good reputation, and an excellent respect for their clients / customers. I'm horrible with my money, so why not sink some of it into a collection of random crap from a reputable auction house?
That's right, I've been inspired by my own body. It doesn't sound too kosher, but its a good thing. Who doesn't want to feel better about the way they look?
Oh. Doyle NY sent me some auction information and I'm seriously considering going to an auction soon. It's about time I show my face in 'high society' again. Doyle has a very good reputation, and an excellent respect for their clients / customers. I'm horrible with my money, so why not sink some of it into a collection of random crap from a reputable auction house?
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Chest Pain
I've been having this really odd chest pain. At first I thought it was some sort of internal muscle pull, but now I've noticed that it hurts when I swallow. So, it must be something with my esophagus right?
I'll call the doctor and ask him about it next week. Prayerfully it will just heal on it's own without me having to go into the doctor's office.
On a lighter note. I had a chance to hang out with my good friend Adam last night in the city and we had a lovely time.
I'll call the doctor and ask him about it next week. Prayerfully it will just heal on it's own without me having to go into the doctor's office.
On a lighter note. I had a chance to hang out with my good friend Adam last night in the city and we had a lovely time.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
There they are!
Here is a little sample of some of the photo's I finally picked up today. I'm glad to finally have something to blog other than my lame musings. Now I can assault your senses with my even lamer sense of self-worth and style aesthetic!
Check out more at http://www.flickr.com/photos/snizatch
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Some Progress
Even though I still haven't received the photos from my short vacation with my best friend, I put two disposable cameras in to be processed today. So those pics should be posted within the week. I'm looking forward to seeing if they're even post worthy or not.
My ever so frequent visits to the gym are becoming a little too methodical. It's becoming to easy, so I'm going to have to switch up my routine a little to make it more interesting for my body and for my development. It's time for me to target those "hard to reach areas and start working on shape and definition instead of just general mass. My employer has purchased 3 sessions of personal training, but NYSC hasn't contacted me yet about rescheduling my sessions.
Personally, I think that the trainers at my particular gym are uncomfortable training me and have conveniently forgotten to call me. I'm going to have to do something soon, before I forget what I want to do.
My ever so frequent visits to the gym are becoming a little too methodical. It's becoming to easy, so I'm going to have to switch up my routine a little to make it more interesting for my body and for my development. It's time for me to target those "hard to reach areas and start working on shape and definition instead of just general mass. My employer has purchased 3 sessions of personal training, but NYSC hasn't contacted me yet about rescheduling my sessions.
Personally, I think that the trainers at my particular gym are uncomfortable training me and have conveniently forgotten to call me. I'm going to have to do something soon, before I forget what I want to do.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Fat Day
I broke down and had a fat day today. No gym, lots of comfort foods. Peaches, guacamole nachos, jack cheese and chicken quasedilla. OOOMMM YES! I felt a lot better after eating these things and recuperating from feeling ill.
So I have to be extra careful this upcoming week. Sometimes I think its good to treat yourself to remind yourself of what you're missing and why you're missing it, but that's just me. I have an excuse for everything.
I'm really having a hard time finding things to write about when my life is slow, like it is now. I don't want to air all of my dirty laundry. Not all at once anyways!
So I have to be extra careful this upcoming week. Sometimes I think its good to treat yourself to remind yourself of what you're missing and why you're missing it, but that's just me. I have an excuse for everything.
I'm really having a hard time finding things to write about when my life is slow, like it is now. I don't want to air all of my dirty laundry. Not all at once anyways!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Sophisticated Investors
I have a question.
How does one go about locating sophisticated investors? I'm sure it's a lot of schmoozing and this person knows that person, who slept with him, who is related to her cousine .... etc. Aspiring young entrepeneurs, like myself (HA!), must have a horrible time going through the whole pitching ideas to people process as well as the investor locating process. There must be some organization / company that specializes in doing just this. I think about Google, Apple and the other companies that started in garages or cubicles and have grown into national institutions, and wonder what helped them make that leap into the big pond.
Thinking back on my post regarding all the "brilliant" ideas that seem to plague my unworthy mind, it's clear to me now that the preventive force that restricts my productivity is resources. Who wouldn't love to quit their job and work on some project that's been sitting in the back of their mind and their friends mind's for years? It's that leap of faith directly into the arms of potential failure and devastation that separates the little girls from the women and the little boys from the men. HMMM...
How does one go about locating sophisticated investors? I'm sure it's a lot of schmoozing and this person knows that person, who slept with him, who is related to her cousine .... etc. Aspiring young entrepeneurs, like myself (HA!), must have a horrible time going through the whole pitching ideas to people process as well as the investor locating process. There must be some organization / company that specializes in doing just this. I think about Google, Apple and the other companies that started in garages or cubicles and have grown into national institutions, and wonder what helped them make that leap into the big pond.
Thinking back on my post regarding all the "brilliant" ideas that seem to plague my unworthy mind, it's clear to me now that the preventive force that restricts my productivity is resources. Who wouldn't love to quit their job and work on some project that's been sitting in the back of their mind and their friends mind's for years? It's that leap of faith directly into the arms of potential failure and devastation that separates the little girls from the women and the little boys from the men. HMMM...
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Back Again
I haven't posted in a few days, and there was something that I wanted to say, but I can't remember what it was....
I'm still writing, but now i'm interested in finding something good to read. My bookshelves have taken a hit recently and look bare. I'll buy more books as soon as I get a chance and the coinage.
Those pictures that I took with my friends still haven't sufaced yet. So I recently just bought two little disposable cameras and snapped some shots of myself to post later. Hopefully they don't look too contrived and poorly executed!
On a more personal note, I had the most satisfying conversation with my mother the other day. We talked about politics, music, all kinds of things. She's coming to visit along with my brothers and my brother's girlfriend. Can you say 'tailored view of Nate's life in NYC!' But besides that, she really impressed with her impressions of myself and my brothers. She really listens to us when we talk and even after not living in the same city for 6 years, she still has a pretty good hold on what kind of person I am. Congratulations Mother, you've just earned even more respect from you own son, not an easy task in this day and age.
I'm still writing, but now i'm interested in finding something good to read. My bookshelves have taken a hit recently and look bare. I'll buy more books as soon as I get a chance and the coinage.
Those pictures that I took with my friends still haven't sufaced yet. So I recently just bought two little disposable cameras and snapped some shots of myself to post later. Hopefully they don't look too contrived and poorly executed!
On a more personal note, I had the most satisfying conversation with my mother the other day. We talked about politics, music, all kinds of things. She's coming to visit along with my brothers and my brother's girlfriend. Can you say 'tailored view of Nate's life in NYC!' But besides that, she really impressed with her impressions of myself and my brothers. She really listens to us when we talk and even after not living in the same city for 6 years, she still has a pretty good hold on what kind of person I am. Congratulations Mother, you've just earned even more respect from you own son, not an easy task in this day and age.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Why oh why must I write cover letter?
I hate writing cover letters.
Period.
I just want people to call me and ask me whats the deal if they can't get it all from my resume. I mean, isn't that what the phone and face to face interviews are for. A writing sample I can understand, but cover letters just wear me out.
Period.
I just want people to call me and ask me whats the deal if they can't get it all from my resume. I mean, isn't that what the phone and face to face interviews are for. A writing sample I can understand, but cover letters just wear me out.
Friday, August 25, 2006
silly and free
I spent most of the day today watching clips from Tyler Perry's Medea movies. It was funny.
I also looked at some clips of president Bush. It's like watching a 50's cartoon or something where the antagonist gets to spend to much time trying to prove he's not the antagonist.
However, I did go to a birthday party at a skating rink the other day and it was really nice. I haven't been so silly and free since high school.
I also looked at some clips of president Bush. It's like watching a 50's cartoon or something where the antagonist gets to spend to much time trying to prove he's not the antagonist.
However, I did go to a birthday party at a skating rink the other day and it was really nice. I haven't been so silly and free since high school.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Stomach Ache
Why is it that my stomach is always in some kind of turmoil?
I'm having trouble digesting something, I have gas, I have a fupa for a few days, it's just a mess! I'm going to have to see someone about this. My guess right now is that it's my diet. I need to incorporate more green vegetables and less meat and high fructose corn syrup. (which I am horribly addicted to)
I want a stomach that's tight and shrunken. I want my stomach and intestine to only be used to snatch nutrients from the lonely morsels of carefully selected food products meant only to keep my body from dying. As a matter of fact, I don't even want a stomach. I want a bio-material distribution unit. Yeah thats it.
Well, I'm off to the gym / physiological improvement facility.
I'm having trouble digesting something, I have gas, I have a fupa for a few days, it's just a mess! I'm going to have to see someone about this. My guess right now is that it's my diet. I need to incorporate more green vegetables and less meat and high fructose corn syrup. (which I am horribly addicted to)
I want a stomach that's tight and shrunken. I want my stomach and intestine to only be used to snatch nutrients from the lonely morsels of carefully selected food products meant only to keep my body from dying. As a matter of fact, I don't even want a stomach. I want a bio-material distribution unit. Yeah thats it.
Well, I'm off to the gym / physiological improvement facility.
Monday, August 21, 2006
One is not the loneliest number
Hey,
So, I'm still single and moderately bored out of my mind. But that's ok because I have a lot of other things that are going on that are more important. So important, in fact, that I'm doing them right now and so have no time to write about them in this blog!!.... So stop asking me about it!!
P.S.
I'm going to start a tshirt line called P.S.T.S. , which stands for Post Script T-shirts. they're going to be very interesting. I won't reveal the entire concept but basically, the wearer will, at certain times, be able to subtly communicate such heartwarming sentiments as " p.s. My friends never liked you anyways... " and so forth. Don't wet your pants just yet, they're only going to be available through me at first and they're going to cost a relative fortune. So be on the lookout!!
So, I'm still single and moderately bored out of my mind. But that's ok because I have a lot of other things that are going on that are more important. So important, in fact, that I'm doing them right now and so have no time to write about them in this blog!!.... So stop asking me about it!!
P.S.
I'm going to start a tshirt line called P.S.T.S. , which stands for Post Script T-shirts. they're going to be very interesting. I won't reveal the entire concept but basically, the wearer will, at certain times, be able to subtly communicate such heartwarming sentiments as " p.s. My friends never liked you anyways... " and so forth. Don't wet your pants just yet, they're only going to be available through me at first and they're going to cost a relative fortune. So be on the lookout!!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Spirituality TV
Hey,
So, I watched Oprah today and really started to get where her craziness is taking America. She was dealing with these mothers who were having trouble with their extremely young daughters' neuroses. But instead of just allowing the conversation to trail off into psychobable regarding modern consumerist images etc., she forced the mothers to look into their pasts and at their own feelings and internal selves. It made sense in a very "cum-by-yah" kind of way.
As a non-denominational Christian, I was very impressed with the passionate, yet inviting way in which Oprah spoke about self-love and personal inventor and all that jazz. She made it, for lack of a better word and with the fear of foolishness in my heart, consumable. Yes, I know the danger in boiling down something as awesome as the realization of a higher power and the human experience of love, salvation etc., but you have to start somewhere. I can't help but think that in some way, Oprah is bringing people closer to God.? Or, at the very least, showing them that this world is not all about them and that there is more to the world than what they can taste, touch, smell, hear and see.
So, I'm going to lay off Oprah and her empire for a while. It's going to be a part of my desire to be more positive and to bring more "positive energy" into my life. (an idea I probably got from Oprah)
So, I watched Oprah today and really started to get where her craziness is taking America. She was dealing with these mothers who were having trouble with their extremely young daughters' neuroses. But instead of just allowing the conversation to trail off into psychobable regarding modern consumerist images etc., she forced the mothers to look into their pasts and at their own feelings and internal selves. It made sense in a very "cum-by-yah" kind of way.
As a non-denominational Christian, I was very impressed with the passionate, yet inviting way in which Oprah spoke about self-love and personal inventor and all that jazz. She made it, for lack of a better word and with the fear of foolishness in my heart, consumable. Yes, I know the danger in boiling down something as awesome as the realization of a higher power and the human experience of love, salvation etc., but you have to start somewhere. I can't help but think that in some way, Oprah is bringing people closer to God.? Or, at the very least, showing them that this world is not all about them and that there is more to the world than what they can taste, touch, smell, hear and see.
So, I'm going to lay off Oprah and her empire for a while. It's going to be a part of my desire to be more positive and to bring more "positive energy" into my life. (an idea I probably got from Oprah)
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Sleepy
The majority of any vacation time I come across is spent sleeping. And not the restful, quiet angelic sleep like in the movies, but the random, fitfull unwieldy sleep of a person exhausted and unorganized. Maybe there is some kind of sleeping class I can take at the learning annex or something so that I can try to maximize my sleeping time.
My dreams are ok though. Not too good to be true, not so bad that they could be called nightmares. They seem much more like visions than dreams. I don't care to discuss them because they're somewhat personal. I'm usually aggravated and scared when dreams feel so real you wake up thinking that it really happened, but recently I've just enjoyed the ride. Hopefully, this is a sign of maturity on my part.
I'm looking forward to going to the gym today. I haven't been in approximately two days and i'm starting to get that big feeling again. That feeling where everything I eat feels like its just being tied onto my personal mass and is not really being processed. Certainly, this feeling must be connected to some mild form of an eating disorder, but I think I can handle it, as I have in the past.
Lastly, there are going to be a lot of pictures from my best friend's visit posted as soon as I get my hands on them. I'm looking forward to seeing how I've changed in the past year. I know I see myself in the mirror and stuff, but only a candid shot of yourself can really tell you how others see you. So wish me and my frail sense of reality luck.
My dreams are ok though. Not too good to be true, not so bad that they could be called nightmares. They seem much more like visions than dreams. I don't care to discuss them because they're somewhat personal. I'm usually aggravated and scared when dreams feel so real you wake up thinking that it really happened, but recently I've just enjoyed the ride. Hopefully, this is a sign of maturity on my part.
I'm looking forward to going to the gym today. I haven't been in approximately two days and i'm starting to get that big feeling again. That feeling where everything I eat feels like its just being tied onto my personal mass and is not really being processed. Certainly, this feeling must be connected to some mild form of an eating disorder, but I think I can handle it, as I have in the past.
Lastly, there are going to be a lot of pictures from my best friend's visit posted as soon as I get my hands on them. I'm looking forward to seeing how I've changed in the past year. I know I see myself in the mirror and stuff, but only a candid shot of yourself can really tell you how others see you. So wish me and my frail sense of reality luck.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Simple Fun
I've had such a wonderful beginning to my vacation. My best friend came up from DC along with his cousin and another friend from North Carolina. We went out dancing, to the beach, dinner and so on. It was really lovely, I can't remember when I've laughed or smiled more. It's good to know that I still had a good time left in me.
I've been invited to go to Atlanta this upcoming week and I'm contemplating that. I feel so relaxed already it's kind of unsettling. I'm usually in such a state of stress and aggravation because of the work that I do. It's nice not to have deal with problem after problem after problem for a change.
The picture above is some kind of African orchid. I'm thinking about having it cut into my hair as a fun summer design. Write me and let me know what you think about it.
Friday, August 11, 2006
OUCH!
I'm not one for too much vanity. However, I am a proponent of this newfangled "healthy living". As part of our fairly extensive benefits package, my employer pays for a New York Sports Club membership for all full time employees. At first I thought it was a waist of money, now I feel incomplete if I haven't pumped some iron at least 3-4 nights a week. I didn't go tonight and I feel awful about it, even though I'm supposed to be recuperating from a minor injury to my leg.
I'm fully aware of the "man-titty" craze and I'm not bashfull about the mini-cleavage I've begun to sport since taking advantage of my sport club membership. Yet, I can't help think that some part of lifting a dumbell instead of building a hut or something like that is really vain and wastefull. Obviously, it's practically impossible to take up truly strenuous hobbies in a city like New York. While growing up in North Carolina there were all too many farms to work on and nearby undeveloped land to trek through. Here in the city, most of my "treks" land me at a shopping district or a watering hole that serves everything but water. I've become so into working out and gaining that beat-up, built-up feeling that I've actually injured myself. And for what?.... So a few more people will take notice of my useless mass on the train or at a dimly lit society event?....... YES!!
If there is one thing that I've learned in this city, it's that time is of the essence and it may even be necessary to make quick judgements about how a person lives their life in certain instances. I don't always have the time to break the ice with conversation and shared interests, common goals blah blah blah, sometimes a hot body and a clear and concise invitation says more about a persons desire, drive and understanding of "how things work" than an impromptu dissertation spilled out over a coffee date.
So, I'll continue work out at the gym and become even more mindful of my own version of "healthy living". I'll just be sure to put the same effort into exercising, improving and sprucing up my mind that goes into my body.
I'm fully aware of the "man-titty" craze and I'm not bashfull about the mini-cleavage I've begun to sport since taking advantage of my sport club membership. Yet, I can't help think that some part of lifting a dumbell instead of building a hut or something like that is really vain and wastefull. Obviously, it's practically impossible to take up truly strenuous hobbies in a city like New York. While growing up in North Carolina there were all too many farms to work on and nearby undeveloped land to trek through. Here in the city, most of my "treks" land me at a shopping district or a watering hole that serves everything but water. I've become so into working out and gaining that beat-up, built-up feeling that I've actually injured myself. And for what?.... So a few more people will take notice of my useless mass on the train or at a dimly lit society event?....... YES!!
If there is one thing that I've learned in this city, it's that time is of the essence and it may even be necessary to make quick judgements about how a person lives their life in certain instances. I don't always have the time to break the ice with conversation and shared interests, common goals blah blah blah, sometimes a hot body and a clear and concise invitation says more about a persons desire, drive and understanding of "how things work" than an impromptu dissertation spilled out over a coffee date.
So, I'll continue work out at the gym and become even more mindful of my own version of "healthy living". I'll just be sure to put the same effort into exercising, improving and sprucing up my mind that goes into my body.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Renewed
At one point in my life, I was very much interested in music. Writing, singing, playing piano, performing, the whole bit. When I went to college, I pursued it in the beginning with an extremely short stint as a bass in the Duke University Chapel Choir. All of this was put onto the back burner when I became a student leader and activist. Of course, I still felt drawn to it, but there was little time or energy left to dedicate to it. Now that approximately 6 years have passed, I'm finally ready to look at my past dream and either discard it as unrealistic and unworthy, or tack it onto my new view of life.
So, for the next few months or so, I will be looking for singing gigs in NY to get my feet wet again with performing and to work some of the cobwebs off of my voice. The thing about my writing and my voice is that it doesn't have a strong hold in any one genre, so its a hard pitch. I've trained "classically" and I'm very well steeped in the black southern baptist gospel traditions, but i'm also extremely fond of experimental vocals and abstraction such as Bjork and some of the more daring alternative artists. So I have my work cut out for me. I mean, who wants to hear a cross between Luther Vandross and Bjork?
I have to give the credit for this new found faith in my own talent and drive to my good coworker who shall remain nameless. Wish me luck
So, for the next few months or so, I will be looking for singing gigs in NY to get my feet wet again with performing and to work some of the cobwebs off of my voice. The thing about my writing and my voice is that it doesn't have a strong hold in any one genre, so its a hard pitch. I've trained "classically" and I'm very well steeped in the black southern baptist gospel traditions, but i'm also extremely fond of experimental vocals and abstraction such as Bjork and some of the more daring alternative artists. So I have my work cut out for me. I mean, who wants to hear a cross between Luther Vandross and Bjork?
I have to give the credit for this new found faith in my own talent and drive to my good coworker who shall remain nameless. Wish me luck
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Re-Rihanna
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we dance around and feel it to these little bitches who all sound the same and work under the same motives, style and attitude. Cause we're not brave enough to listen to and accept the audible art of the more "mass-aesthetically" challenged entertainers, i.e. men, trannies, full figured women. I know I'm not the only one who is only mildly titilated by these omni-ethnic pop, pornacustic products. Once the video is off and the beat is gone, i'm not thinking about anything that i wasn't thinking of before I listened to "their" electronic wizardry.
I'm not saying that I won't continue to listen to artists like Rihanna. I'm saying that I'm not really wowed by the reissuing of past entertainment success, Janet, Madonna, Whitney, Mariah etc. We know how their brand of "diva-tion" goes. Give me some something else. Really, something so different, I don't even recognize it as music initially!
Why do we dance around and feel it to these little bitches who all sound the same and work under the same motives, style and attitude. Cause we're not brave enough to listen to and accept the audible art of the more "mass-aesthetically" challenged entertainers, i.e. men, trannies, full figured women. I know I'm not the only one who is only mildly titilated by these omni-ethnic pop, pornacustic products. Once the video is off and the beat is gone, i'm not thinking about anything that i wasn't thinking of before I listened to "their" electronic wizardry.
I'm not saying that I won't continue to listen to artists like Rihanna. I'm saying that I'm not really wowed by the reissuing of past entertainment success, Janet, Madonna, Whitney, Mariah etc. We know how their brand of "diva-tion" goes. Give me some something else. Really, something so different, I don't even recognize it as music initially!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Back to the Middle
India Arie has this song called Back to the Middle, that I've used as a kind of meditation tool for some time now. Even though I could never be exactly sure of what she meant by the lyrics of this song unless I personally asked her, I feel my interpretation is pretty close.
I believe that it is her plea to the world to exercise moderation in some things and to not go so far to one side of an experience to miss something in it. In my youth, I can say that I've done some things in the extreme without even knowing what they were about or why I was doing it. Now, I'm more apt to really take my time and think things over, sometimes a little too much, sometimes not enough, but at least I'm thinking more.
Take this blog for instance. I use it as a personal journal. I write these little nuggets to myself and put them on the world wide web for easy retrieval knowing full well that anyone else could see it if they wanted to. Yet, I keep it pretty tame and vague so as not to have all of my business out there. If someone were to read my blog beginning to end, they would only get a sense of my general mood from month to month nothing more.
I believe that it is her plea to the world to exercise moderation in some things and to not go so far to one side of an experience to miss something in it. In my youth, I can say that I've done some things in the extreme without even knowing what they were about or why I was doing it. Now, I'm more apt to really take my time and think things over, sometimes a little too much, sometimes not enough, but at least I'm thinking more.
Take this blog for instance. I use it as a personal journal. I write these little nuggets to myself and put them on the world wide web for easy retrieval knowing full well that anyone else could see it if they wanted to. Yet, I keep it pretty tame and vague so as not to have all of my business out there. If someone were to read my blog beginning to end, they would only get a sense of my general mood from month to month nothing more.
Friday, July 28, 2006
TMI
You know, sometimes you just don't need to know some things. It's funny, because as children, we're taught by Schoolhouse Rock that knowledge is power. But knowledge is not wisdom and understanding and if you know something but don't understand it, it can drive you mad.
Yesterday, someone was sick on the train, I inched closer and closer to see if I could figure out what was all the hubbub. When the crowd surround the person finally cleared a little I saw one of the most disturbing sites I had ever seen. The sounds, the colors the, movement, it was all so other worldy, I actually thought this person may be possessed! So I said a little prayer for him and turned away, becuase there was honestly nothing more that I believed I could do, and the paramedics were already on the scene. Did I need to see all that? NO! Have I learned something from it? Not anything that I didn't already know, which is to mind your own business.
I'm certainly going to be more careful to only seek out the info that I can process.
Yesterday, someone was sick on the train, I inched closer and closer to see if I could figure out what was all the hubbub. When the crowd surround the person finally cleared a little I saw one of the most disturbing sites I had ever seen. The sounds, the colors the, movement, it was all so other worldy, I actually thought this person may be possessed! So I said a little prayer for him and turned away, becuase there was honestly nothing more that I believed I could do, and the paramedics were already on the scene. Did I need to see all that? NO! Have I learned something from it? Not anything that I didn't already know, which is to mind your own business.
I'm certainly going to be more careful to only seek out the info that I can process.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Not so perfect Day
I had one of those days today. Where you look around at the unforgivable mess that is your life and say I give up. Whatever all of you F#@!^&G people want from me, you can have it. Today, I was very Cartman "...Screw you guys...I'm going home..."
Here's the thing: I work for a non-profit contractor that works directly under a very large government institution (that shall remain nameless) Needless to say, there is always a great deal of beaurocracy involved in all of my reporting to said institution, but today I just couldn't deal with it. I had tissues and issues. Then, I realized that life will go on whether or not all of my i's are crossed and my t's dotted so long as I stay true to my own personal goals and mission to give to the community i've unofficially pledged to serve by working in the non-profit sector. Look, is that a bird singing in that tree? is there a rainbow arching accross the cotton flecked sky? No, its probably a pigeon being attacked by a rat in gutter and a skittles billboard.... but thats ok cause I know what's really important about today, the fact that I've made it through!
Here's the thing: I work for a non-profit contractor that works directly under a very large government institution (that shall remain nameless) Needless to say, there is always a great deal of beaurocracy involved in all of my reporting to said institution, but today I just couldn't deal with it. I had tissues and issues. Then, I realized that life will go on whether or not all of my i's are crossed and my t's dotted so long as I stay true to my own personal goals and mission to give to the community i've unofficially pledged to serve by working in the non-profit sector. Look, is that a bird singing in that tree? is there a rainbow arching accross the cotton flecked sky? No, its probably a pigeon being attacked by a rat in gutter and a skittles billboard.... but thats ok cause I know what's really important about today, the fact that I've made it through!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Little Bits of Anger, Big Bits of Hope
Well, I'm back
I have a new computer and lots of time to play on it due to my new single status. As for all of those other things that I was supposed to have been working on. I have been working on them, but they're all still in the beginning phases right now. Lets call this the "research" phase. I've posted an ad on craigslist that will hopefully help me to get back into styling again. I need to keep focus. I don't want to be one of those guys who turns into that middle aged monster that gave up on himself years ago. I'm only 24, why do I feel like such an old loser.
UPDATE:
Due to my lack of funds and refusal to compromise, I will not be taking the GRE or applying for graduate school until the end of 08 or something like that I suppose. I'm not upset, I'm just disappointed.
I have found a possible jewelry making class that will take my mind of of things as well as get me back into designing and such again. I have been writing poetry lately but I don't really trust my skills in that regard.
After a very small amount of reseach on the internet, I have discovered a few fairly cheap recording studios where I can get some songs down on disc for the perusal of nightclub owners and other extremely brave people.
I want to talk about my relationship with my family and how I believe that it has improved along with my desire to be more involved and less distant with them, but I don't think its appropriate right now. Plus, I don't know how to communicate it properly
I have a new computer and lots of time to play on it due to my new single status. As for all of those other things that I was supposed to have been working on. I have been working on them, but they're all still in the beginning phases right now. Lets call this the "research" phase. I've posted an ad on craigslist that will hopefully help me to get back into styling again. I need to keep focus. I don't want to be one of those guys who turns into that middle aged monster that gave up on himself years ago. I'm only 24, why do I feel like such an old loser.
UPDATE:
Due to my lack of funds and refusal to compromise, I will not be taking the GRE or applying for graduate school until the end of 08 or something like that I suppose. I'm not upset, I'm just disappointed.
I have found a possible jewelry making class that will take my mind of of things as well as get me back into designing and such again. I have been writing poetry lately but I don't really trust my skills in that regard.
After a very small amount of reseach on the internet, I have discovered a few fairly cheap recording studios where I can get some songs down on disc for the perusal of nightclub owners and other extremely brave people.
I want to talk about my relationship with my family and how I believe that it has improved along with my desire to be more involved and less distant with them, but I don't think its appropriate right now. Plus, I don't know how to communicate it properly
Monday, February 27, 2006
Well,.....
My computer is kind of working again so I will be posting more often than what I have in the past obviously. And no, I'm not delusional, I know that I'm the only one who's like to read this. I use this blog as a signpost to mark progress etc.
I'm going to be either taking a sewing class or using books to teach myself to cut patterns, drape and put together marketable garments instead of just editing things and doing stylings here and there for free. I want to have a very very very small like of items that I can put together rather quickly to sell to specialty boutiques and shops that I like and actually shop in. This energy that seems to be building up inside of me has to go somewhere.
On another note, I'm also going to honestly and truly begin to look at graduat programs.
MSW at Hunter
Masters in Anth at Columbia or NYU
whatever I can get into that looks good to me.
and last but certainly not least... I'm going to get these chops together and either join a band or do some low rent lounge singing somewhere in NYC, come hell or high water!!!
My computer is kind of working again so I will be posting more often than what I have in the past obviously. And no, I'm not delusional, I know that I'm the only one who's like to read this. I use this blog as a signpost to mark progress etc.
I'm going to be either taking a sewing class or using books to teach myself to cut patterns, drape and put together marketable garments instead of just editing things and doing stylings here and there for free. I want to have a very very very small like of items that I can put together rather quickly to sell to specialty boutiques and shops that I like and actually shop in. This energy that seems to be building up inside of me has to go somewhere.
On another note, I'm also going to honestly and truly begin to look at graduat programs.
MSW at Hunter
Masters in Anth at Columbia or NYU
whatever I can get into that looks good to me.
and last but certainly not least... I'm going to get these chops together and either join a band or do some low rent lounge singing somewhere in NYC, come hell or high water!!!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Stretchy
Hey World,
I'm pooped! 05 was such a long year for me and I have so much shit to do this year that I'm already fading out. I have to find a way to do all of the things I have planned without stretching myself too much. I have this whole vogueing thing i want to pursue, but I also have GRE and grad school to forge ahead into as well as my writing, singing and extraordinarily taxing job as a social worker and activist in New York City. I keep hearing a lyric from Lauryn Hill's Everything in my head "...change comes slow or not at all..." How do I take it sloww like John Legend, when my own ambition and fleeting opportunity come at me at a thousand miles per hour?
I'm pooped! 05 was such a long year for me and I have so much shit to do this year that I'm already fading out. I have to find a way to do all of the things I have planned without stretching myself too much. I have this whole vogueing thing i want to pursue, but I also have GRE and grad school to forge ahead into as well as my writing, singing and extraordinarily taxing job as a social worker and activist in New York City. I keep hearing a lyric from Lauryn Hill's Everything in my head "...change comes slow or not at all..." How do I take it sloww like John Legend, when my own ambition and fleeting opportunity come at me at a thousand miles per hour?
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