Going Home Deranged

Well... See... Here's the thing


I'm incredibly excited to be going back home to North Carolina for a week in April.
I'm very near to landing a new Community Health Specialist position with P.O.C.C. in Brooklyn.
It's spring.

All of this sounds amazingly good and fantastic and all of that. But the hype and the waiting as well as the pressure and possible disappointment are driving me nuts. How does one keep themselves balanced knowing that some weighty shit is about to go down in their life?

I'm going to be seeing both of my brothers on this trip home in April. edited Awkward Much?

It's not that I'm worried that things will completely fall apart. My worst fear is that somehow I'll be half out of it and terrified and make 2 or 3 bad decisions that will create a lasting eww effect. Where things are just not the best that they can be. My brother could be angered by not being told about me earlier. My friends are always a prozac away from complete insanity and lack of judgement, and I myself have been known to let things slide and neglect important responsibilities and duties for no other reason than I don't want to deal with a whole bunch of crap.

Yet. I have a secret weapon. Faith. Faith in God. Trust in my loved ones and my own selfish determination to have everything go well and leave a smile on everyone's face, my prospective employer, my family, and my friends, all of whom expect completely different sides of me to be in their full glory.

It will turn out ok.
no

Absolute Perfection. All encompassing Victory to me and my endeavors!

I don't know who told you, but they had LIED!!!

Well now.... This is what the deal is.

Edited

To Be or To Become .... Is that the Question?

Well Hello again, here is my issue for the day:

All of this came about this afternoon chillin in bed watching a new episode of South Park. I usually just flip channels aimlessly like a human scanner until something that makes me say eww or wow stops me. South Park usually elicits both responses. The episode that I witnessed was one where transgender, trans-racial and trans-species issues were addressed / mocked with the usual South Park social hyperbole. The characters battled with feelings of not looking like what they felt inside and what it meant to try and change their physicality to match their mentality as well as how far and how effective such a change could be.

Interesting huh? You should see the episode! Now my wheels got to turning when I applied this ridiculous animated farce to my ridiculous live-action life. The obvious questions are, am I fronting? am I currently living as a trans-regional American. Does wanting to be a New Yorker, living here and looking like one make me a New Yorker?

Ultimately, I believe that altering ones' persona, whether physically or through some form of training / education or action is a genuine way to become more like whatever you appreciate and admire. However, any transition or transformation can never be complete or all encompassing, due to the simple fact that the history, the origins of a being will always exist outside of that being; telling the tale, marking the existence of what now "is" as something that "was".

All of this from an episode of South Park........ someone needs to get laid!

On a lighter note, a friend of mine has finished up his grad exams this week and will be celebrating a much deserved break for his brain with myself and other people who will except any excuse to go traipsing around the semi-frozen tundra that is Manhattan......

Anyone who knows me will understand that this means a greatly exaggerated, but remarkably believable account of what transpires on this outing will follow soon thereafter.

Keep in touch

edited

edited

New way to look at some of my old designs 

Alek Wek 

Fashion Forewarned

Yes, I am addicted to style and fashion like most brain-dead Americans.
However, my passion has a little twist, I'm very interested in the artistry involved in designing and making a collection and the different ways in which designers contribute to the garment aesthetic.

For example, John Galliano (see link at right) is known for his wacky and overcomplicated couture designs which leave the uninitiated boggled and disgusted. But when viewing his collections with the trained eye, one can notice that there isn't just a story being told in the ever more conventional 'visual prose' sense, but there is a unique connection to time and culture that allows for the much more useful analysis of why and his clothes are made with so much overlapping, looping and revisiting of designs, structure, technique and composition.

In his most recent Winter 2005 mens collection, he does what he does best, turning the old into new again by taking the clothes of George Washington's time and warping them with current trends in fabric, color, print and embellishment. Its genius, its fun, its silly, but it makes sense and all the while tells the story of how European settlers in their time of rebellion meshed and mixed with native Americans and Africans in a bloody nation forming cultural encounter.

From time to time on this blog, there will be little crots of pseudo intelectual fodder just to make the day a little more interesting. Its good to provoke complex thought and awareness in spaces where they don't usually exist. Pop culture, Globalized media infotainment and day to day metropolitan interaction definitely qualify as examples of these shallow spaces. Snizatch won't be able to adequately illuminate what should be in these spaces, but I'll be able to bitch and rant about the things that rotate my prostate so who cares?

Little town, little quiet village, every day like the one before.....

Well,

Here is where I am today. The news is, last Thursday, my coat was stolen at an unmentionable locale in the big Apple (where I live) and with it my apt. keys, one of my friend's apt. keys, and an IPod Mini. Green. I'm coping fairly well, i've replaced everything but the IPod and I don't know when I'll be able to do that since I'm not working right now.

So. Today I go out in my fantabulous new coat for a preliminary interview in Manhattan and of course its raining, so i feel a little miserable and aggravated. So what do I decide to go and do to cheer myself up?... What else... a trip to the DMV.

Suffice it to say, I'm not on cloud nine right now, but something about today's bleakness and the bleakness of previous days tells me that it can't get too much worse for me. There is some comfort in doom. Who knows, things are bound to turn around. I've never been one to let a meager reality or a disappointing fact stop me.

I bought a lotto ticket for one dollar the other day. Its for the megamillions drawing tonight at 11 p.m. Its a small comfort, playing a silly game like the lotto, but it's a much appreciated one.

Moving UP and ON

This blog is going to mostly be a rag-a-muffin attempt to organize my interests in the realm of art, music, and politics / activism. I'm pretty sure it will be hard to follow and contain a lot of personal info about me and my friends that will either be mildly titilating or downright boring to most people, but helpful as a mirror for me to look at the kind of man I'm becoming. I want this to be usefull, but I want to get a kick out of it as well.

P.S. the whole Snizatch thing will never be 'officially' explained.