Well yesterday I wrote a brilliant song in the tub and then totally forgot it.
So me. I was about to go and do some work in the office and wanted to relax before I got there so I took a bath instead of a shower. Relaxing is not even the word, it was more like I trancended to another plane. I haven't had a bath like that in a while and I really let myself go, I felt the water and existed in my body and forced my mind's business into submission. I was singing stuff like wade in the water etc. Then, I started making up this song as i went called Bathe with me. I tried to write it down while I was on the way to work, but it just didn't go as well as in the tub. Well, what are you going to do?
I didn't go to church today, although I was genuine when I posted earlier about wanting to continue to go to the Horizon church, my reservations of late have been getting the best of me. Hopefully, I will soon overcome them and make time to either go to Horizon or find another church to attend.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
More Cover Letters!
I really hate coverletters. I see the need for them, but writing them is so time consuming and nerve wrecking. I'm much more comfortable with face to face interviews and phone interviews. My writing style is very staccato and can seem kind of schitzo at times.
I finally went back to the gym for the fist time since the Christmas holiday season and coming back from NC. I'm sore, but its good to know that I can get back into the habit of going with little resistance from my body or even the rapidly shrinking mercury readings.
I finally went back to the gym for the fist time since the Christmas holiday season and coming back from NC. I'm sore, but its good to know that I can get back into the habit of going with little resistance from my body or even the rapidly shrinking mercury readings.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Back in the Habit!
I'm back from NC! It was such a blessing to be able to go back and visit with my family once again during the holiday season. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, and it never fails to bring new understanding and love between me and my kinfolk.
In fact, I was so inspired by conversations that I had with my middle brother while at home, I researched, discovered and attended a branch of the church he attends in Raleigh NC. The similarities between it and another non-denominational church my family attended when I was a little boy were striking. The music, the greetings, the set up of the sanctuary and their communion were almost identical. How comforting and remarkable!! I certainly plan to continue to worship, and study with with them.
Thank you Jesus Christ!
In fact, I was so inspired by conversations that I had with my middle brother while at home, I researched, discovered and attended a branch of the church he attends in Raleigh NC. The similarities between it and another non-denominational church my family attended when I was a little boy were striking. The music, the greetings, the set up of the sanctuary and their communion were almost identical. How comforting and remarkable!! I certainly plan to continue to worship, and study with with them.
Thank you Jesus Christ!
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Off to see the Fam!
WOW! Even I'm having a hard time believing how much stuff I've managed to cram into my luggage. Making the trip to Edenton, North Carolina with me this year will be a vintage holiday suitcase packed with toiletries, outer garments, belts, gloves, hats and shoes, an oversized Kenneth Cole cloth tote packed with carry-on items and gifts, and a JWorld backpack / roller luggage hybrid filled to the brim with clothes.
Every year I make this journey back to the "mother-state" and make a big deal out of it along the way. Mostly because I usually only go back once every year for Christmas and its become a highly anticipated visit, both on my part and the part of my family.
Holiday Greetings to Everyone!!!
Every year I make this journey back to the "mother-state" and make a big deal out of it along the way. Mostly because I usually only go back once every year for Christmas and its become a highly anticipated visit, both on my part and the part of my family.
Holiday Greetings to Everyone!!!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Open Bars are Evil.... but I'll be Home for Christmas
So... My agency had another open bar christmas party this past friday... Fun Fun Fun...
I, of course, went a little overboard and had to leave early, missing the fight that broke out soon thereafter... thank goodness. Lesson learned = Just because you used to have an amazing tolerance level in college doesn't mean you have one now!
Now as for Christmas, it is one of my favorite holidays. The celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The story of the nativity, the songs, the decorations, the food, the gifts, the family fellowship. Let's face it, its what makes life worth living! And on the 20th of December, insha'Allah (God willing), I will be returning to Edenton, North Carolina to live that life.
I've finally finished "In an Antique Land" by Amitav Ghosh. It was amazing, and I've picked up some of the book's Muslim lingo, as you can see. I've never really learned that much about Arabic or the Islamic faith, but seeing as how the entire world is embroiled in Muslim conflicts right now, its about time that I took a look at it. My next book will most likely be about African Muslims and a civil war that took place years ago. I'll post the name of it as soon as I start reading it.
I, of course, went a little overboard and had to leave early, missing the fight that broke out soon thereafter... thank goodness. Lesson learned = Just because you used to have an amazing tolerance level in college doesn't mean you have one now!
Now as for Christmas, it is one of my favorite holidays. The celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The story of the nativity, the songs, the decorations, the food, the gifts, the family fellowship. Let's face it, its what makes life worth living! And on the 20th of December, insha'Allah (God willing), I will be returning to Edenton, North Carolina to live that life.
I've finally finished "In an Antique Land" by Amitav Ghosh. It was amazing, and I've picked up some of the book's Muslim lingo, as you can see. I've never really learned that much about Arabic or the Islamic faith, but seeing as how the entire world is embroiled in Muslim conflicts right now, its about time that I took a look at it. My next book will most likely be about African Muslims and a civil war that took place years ago. I'll post the name of it as soon as I start reading it.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Secrets of Life in the North Atlantic
When you live on an island in the North Atlantic Ocean, you can't always go where you want to go and do the things that you would like to do. It just gets too cold sometimes. I want to go to the gym tonight, I honestly and truly do. However, the fear of braving the extreme elements prevents me from making my way over there at the moment. I'm very warm and comfortable in my apartment at the moment and can get quite a workout practicing dance, doing crunches and situps right here on my bedroom floor. So I think I'll save the gym for Wednesday.
You know that feeling you have when you know a really juicy secret and you really want to tell your close friend who'll appreciate it as much as you do? I have that feeling right now, that itch to tell someone all about it, but I can't scratch that itch. Want to know why? Here's why... It would be unethical, and I'm trying to teach myself a lesson. Here's the lesson. A secret is special only because its a secret. When you tell a secret, it not only looses its social capital as a rarely known tid bit of information, you loose the power from being in possession of such a commodity.
In my case, the secret pertains to my position at work and although I am daily confided in and told innumerable secrets, knowing something about someone that knows you and that your friends know is completely different. Are you going to be a gossip and tell? Is it going to eat away at you inside for months on end like a worm trying to get out of an apple? Here's what I think. I think that we as needy, selfish, self promoting and aggrandizing human beings attempt to use knowledge against other people for our own gain and disguise this fault as curiosity and mindless fun. So... with that belief firmly rooted in my conscience, I have decided not to share the secret that I have learned today with my good friend who would really enjoy it in a sick and twisted way. I am going to use this secret as an self encouragement to promote less conjecture and misinformation in my circle of friends and more quiet reflection, understanding and satisfaction with known facts. And thats it.
You know that feeling you have when you know a really juicy secret and you really want to tell your close friend who'll appreciate it as much as you do? I have that feeling right now, that itch to tell someone all about it, but I can't scratch that itch. Want to know why? Here's why... It would be unethical, and I'm trying to teach myself a lesson. Here's the lesson. A secret is special only because its a secret. When you tell a secret, it not only looses its social capital as a rarely known tid bit of information, you loose the power from being in possession of such a commodity.
In my case, the secret pertains to my position at work and although I am daily confided in and told innumerable secrets, knowing something about someone that knows you and that your friends know is completely different. Are you going to be a gossip and tell? Is it going to eat away at you inside for months on end like a worm trying to get out of an apple? Here's what I think. I think that we as needy, selfish, self promoting and aggrandizing human beings attempt to use knowledge against other people for our own gain and disguise this fault as curiosity and mindless fun. So... with that belief firmly rooted in my conscience, I have decided not to share the secret that I have learned today with my good friend who would really enjoy it in a sick and twisted way. I am going to use this secret as an self encouragement to promote less conjecture and misinformation in my circle of friends and more quiet reflection, understanding and satisfaction with known facts. And thats it.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Cholera / Dysentary
I was so sick on Friday! It didn't make any kind of sense. I believe I had some bad Lactaid and cereal along with a 24hr flu bug I must have picked up from the doctors office. It wasn't pretty, so I'll spare you the particulars.
My good good friend from college was up this past weekend to visit and we had a cordial time together for a change. We usually have some kind of emotional run in before its all said and done, but this time I just took things in stride and didn't try to evaluate everyone's positions and actions. I had fun.
Still looking forward to going home for Christmas. I mean, who isn't. Yes, it's great to live in such a vibrant city, but when Its time to give thanks for the mysteries of life and the eternal love that is the bond of blood and faith, I want to be away from the cold, unyielding city. I want to be back on the farm with the crunch of the frozen morning dew under my feet. I want to be able to see the sun when it rises and see it when it sets. awww
My good good friend from college was up this past weekend to visit and we had a cordial time together for a change. We usually have some kind of emotional run in before its all said and done, but this time I just took things in stride and didn't try to evaluate everyone's positions and actions. I had fun.
Still looking forward to going home for Christmas. I mean, who isn't. Yes, it's great to live in such a vibrant city, but when Its time to give thanks for the mysteries of life and the eternal love that is the bond of blood and faith, I want to be away from the cold, unyielding city. I want to be back on the farm with the crunch of the frozen morning dew under my feet. I want to be able to see the sun when it rises and see it when it sets. awww
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Late night Dates
Yeah, so, I received a call the other day at like 3 in the morning. Yes, I was awake and no, I didn't answer it. I was actually playing World of Warcraft, but I'm not going to blog about that right now. Its a great game and yes I have lost a little bit of myself in it, but its an easy way to let off some steam. So there I said it, back to the Dates.
Tonight I received another call from a good friend who is vacationing abroad. Mexico to be exact. He said he had forgotten about the time difference and he wanted to talk about some stuff. After some gentle cajolling, he finally told me what was really going on with him and I rolled up my nerve endings and dove in headfirst.
I don't know what it is about me that makes him think I'm the right person for the job. Maybe its my training in Anthropology, and counseling, my excellent listening skills, my years of experience as a previously unhappy and troubled person or maybe, I'm just the only person he knows who's insomnia keeps him up and at random, unnecessary tasks in the wee hours of the night. LIKE THIS BLOG!
But, I'm certainly glad that he confides in me. I get a great deal out of our late night sessions as well. He gives me a good sounding board to my own thoughts and ideas about life. I fancy him as a neophyte poet and philosopher and myself as his muse / therapist / friend who only wants to see him bring forth all the creativity and intelligence that his insecurities keep bottled up inside. For that matter, when I talk to him, I fancy myself as one of his peers, walking alongside him on his path to greatness, experiencing things that make me more and more aware and in control of my own talents. Even though he didn't like my t-shirts all that much!
Well, like the two of us, they'll get better with time and experience.
Tonight I received another call from a good friend who is vacationing abroad. Mexico to be exact. He said he had forgotten about the time difference and he wanted to talk about some stuff. After some gentle cajolling, he finally told me what was really going on with him and I rolled up my nerve endings and dove in headfirst.
I don't know what it is about me that makes him think I'm the right person for the job. Maybe its my training in Anthropology, and counseling, my excellent listening skills, my years of experience as a previously unhappy and troubled person or maybe, I'm just the only person he knows who's insomnia keeps him up and at random, unnecessary tasks in the wee hours of the night. LIKE THIS BLOG!
But, I'm certainly glad that he confides in me. I get a great deal out of our late night sessions as well. He gives me a good sounding board to my own thoughts and ideas about life. I fancy him as a neophyte poet and philosopher and myself as his muse / therapist / friend who only wants to see him bring forth all the creativity and intelligence that his insecurities keep bottled up inside. For that matter, when I talk to him, I fancy myself as one of his peers, walking alongside him on his path to greatness, experiencing things that make me more and more aware and in control of my own talents. Even though he didn't like my t-shirts all that much!
Well, like the two of us, they'll get better with time and experience.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
No complaints
Yesterday I had the good fortune to be visited by one of my good friends from college who is now completing a masters degree program in Boston. We went dancing in Manhattan and had a wonderful time reminiscing on days gone by as well as making new memories.
I have to say that I have no complaints.
Thanksgiving was such a well needed respite from work and the usual grind of New York living. I was very blessed to have been able to spend it in the company of good food and even better friends. I've used this holiday to mark the beginning of a new life policy for myself. I'm going to dramatically reduce the amount of complaining that I engage in. When I feel like something is getting on my nerves or not working the way I want it to, instead of complaining, I'm going to take action to set it right or state my gratefullness at the things that are going right. It seems like such an easy thing to do but I assure you its more difficult that it seems.
How many times have you watched the new or had a conversation with a family member or coworker and just been overwhelmed by the suck factor in some situation or person? This was becoming an everyday occurrance for me and I'm most certain that this negative perspective was seeping into my very consciousness. So, I'm going to do something about it right now. And no, I'm not going to turn into one of those "cheery for no reason", "every cloud has a silver lining" people, I'm still going to be a man of truth and dignity and reality. However, my demeanor will be much more positive and my attention will only be given to worthwhile endeavors. Hopefully, this new proactive Nate, will elicit less complaints from family and friends than the all too comfortable and lazy, reactive Nate.
I have to say that I have no complaints.
Thanksgiving was such a well needed respite from work and the usual grind of New York living. I was very blessed to have been able to spend it in the company of good food and even better friends. I've used this holiday to mark the beginning of a new life policy for myself. I'm going to dramatically reduce the amount of complaining that I engage in. When I feel like something is getting on my nerves or not working the way I want it to, instead of complaining, I'm going to take action to set it right or state my gratefullness at the things that are going right. It seems like such an easy thing to do but I assure you its more difficult that it seems.
How many times have you watched the new or had a conversation with a family member or coworker and just been overwhelmed by the suck factor in some situation or person? This was becoming an everyday occurrance for me and I'm most certain that this negative perspective was seeping into my very consciousness. So, I'm going to do something about it right now. And no, I'm not going to turn into one of those "cheery for no reason", "every cloud has a silver lining" people, I'm still going to be a man of truth and dignity and reality. However, my demeanor will be much more positive and my attention will only be given to worthwhile endeavors. Hopefully, this new proactive Nate, will elicit less complaints from family and friends than the all too comfortable and lazy, reactive Nate.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Sweet Smelling Incense
Nothing much transpired today. I cleaned the kitchen and had pizza for dinner, took out the trash, read a Playstation magazine and burned some sweet smelling incense.
One thing that did get me kind of worked up was Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That show really moves me. I cry everytime I watch it. Even when it was first introduced to me by two close friends, they made sure we all had a box of kleenex handy before the program began. In such a short amount of time, a group of people's sorry and misfortunes is presented to you in such a simple and human way that you can't help but truly feel for them and wish them the best. I'm not one for needless shows of emotion, or less than genuine acts of altruism, and this show somehow manages to dodge both of these bullets without much effort.
Yes, Disney has bought ABC and infused it with it's own special brand of lovey dovey sappy sweetness. However, there isn't a modern man or woman alive in America that wasn't either raised on hopeful, dreamy Disney programming or at least exposed to it.
I don't know what else to say. How could a Disneyfied, hourlong commercial for Sears be so good? It must be some id / ego, jedi mind trick that Disney has perfected over the years. Maybe if we could get Disney / ABC to do some of America's foreign policy writing we could avoid some of the culture clash and ideal warring that seems to propel our current global conflicts? Who knows?
One thing that did get me kind of worked up was Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That show really moves me. I cry everytime I watch it. Even when it was first introduced to me by two close friends, they made sure we all had a box of kleenex handy before the program began. In such a short amount of time, a group of people's sorry and misfortunes is presented to you in such a simple and human way that you can't help but truly feel for them and wish them the best. I'm not one for needless shows of emotion, or less than genuine acts of altruism, and this show somehow manages to dodge both of these bullets without much effort.
Yes, Disney has bought ABC and infused it with it's own special brand of lovey dovey sappy sweetness. However, there isn't a modern man or woman alive in America that wasn't either raised on hopeful, dreamy Disney programming or at least exposed to it.
I don't know what else to say. How could a Disneyfied, hourlong commercial for Sears be so good? It must be some id / ego, jedi mind trick that Disney has perfected over the years. Maybe if we could get Disney / ABC to do some of America's foreign policy writing we could avoid some of the culture clash and ideal warring that seems to propel our current global conflicts? Who knows?
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
Many Things
Today was many things! I fought my way out of the comfort of my apt in Bay Ridge to go to work in Park Slope at the agency. I held back feelings of helplessness, confusion, anger, and fear while testing and giving results at the agency, and topped it all off with a lively religious conversation with a Buddhist while tipsy.
Due to my strong sense of professionalism, I can't and won't speak on the inner workings of my agency and the intricacies thereof. However, I can give my opinions on the state of social work in general in New York City. Social workers are misunderstood and burnt out! We're underfunded, underappreciated, under everythinged, yet, we're expected to be everyone's safety net when things go awry? Why is that? I don't want to have to continue to cut corners when it comes to the physical health and mental well being of my clients anymore due to lack of anything! Even when working at full capacity with all my cylinders firing, I can only handle so many cases at a time, especially while handling all the administrative and beurocratic nonsense that comes with working on a government grant as well. It's truly ridiculous. Maybe I should work harder, maybe I should give more of myself to "the cause"? Who knows? All I know right now is that there has to be a better way of tackling social issues. What do I suggest? Socialism! Duh! Americans are already living under a Republic pretending to be a Democracy anyways... Why not jut bite the bullet and have a Socialist system replace the barely legal, inherently flawed, capitalist republic we've been dragging like a wagon with square wheels into the 21st century? Higher Taxes, bring'em on! Big Government..yes please! I'd rather have my life influenced by treehugging, lefty liberalati know-it-alls than have it dictated to me by power hungry, money worshiping, right wing smoke screened, CEO's!
Whoooohhh !! I told you this post was many things.
Due to my strong sense of professionalism, I can't and won't speak on the inner workings of my agency and the intricacies thereof. However, I can give my opinions on the state of social work in general in New York City. Social workers are misunderstood and burnt out! We're underfunded, underappreciated, under everythinged, yet, we're expected to be everyone's safety net when things go awry? Why is that? I don't want to have to continue to cut corners when it comes to the physical health and mental well being of my clients anymore due to lack of anything! Even when working at full capacity with all my cylinders firing, I can only handle so many cases at a time, especially while handling all the administrative and beurocratic nonsense that comes with working on a government grant as well. It's truly ridiculous. Maybe I should work harder, maybe I should give more of myself to "the cause"? Who knows? All I know right now is that there has to be a better way of tackling social issues. What do I suggest? Socialism! Duh! Americans are already living under a Republic pretending to be a Democracy anyways... Why not jut bite the bullet and have a Socialist system replace the barely legal, inherently flawed, capitalist republic we've been dragging like a wagon with square wheels into the 21st century? Higher Taxes, bring'em on! Big Government..yes please! I'd rather have my life influenced by treehugging, lefty liberalati know-it-alls than have it dictated to me by power hungry, money worshiping, right wing smoke screened, CEO's!
Whoooohhh !! I told you this post was many things.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Eartha Kitt and Joan Rivers
are old bootz! I was talking to a co-worker the other day about going to see a show in the city and their names came up and I just blurted out "...God is going to have to come and get those two bitches, cause they have made it very clear that they ain't going nowhere!..." What an awful thing to say! After all those two women have brought to this world in their art. I'm sorry dearhearts.
And New York Sports Club is such a mess. So... in my last audioblog I speak of the notorious happenings of certain NYSC's and how I'm nosey enough to want to take a gander. Oh how my faith was tested yesterday when I went to work out. There's this guy that lives in my neighborhood. A tall thin caucasion with bright eyes and long curly hair. Attractive. I've run into him online and at my favorite bodega. We cut eyes at each other and such. It's innocent.
I go into the gym yesterday and see him there for the first time, working out with a friend (I suppose). So... I'm keeping my composure enjoying myself, following my usual routine. I finish working on biceps and triceps and head of into one of the small matted rooms with mirrors to strech and do some abwork on the floor. As soon as I get comfortable and roll up my sleeves to visually measure the progress of my bicep, here he comes, right behind me. Now... this is the moment where I could have been gutter about it and allowed a convo or some sort of interaction take place, but my momma didn't raise me like that. So instead, I immediately turn my back to him, fall to the floor and begin my excercises, completely ignoring his presence, he does a few push-ups and leaves as quietly and quickly as he came.
Aww... Now I feel bad. Its that whole perception thing. I didn't want to seem like a stalker whore who would love to meet someone at the gym, but I also don't want to be all, I'm better than "that kind of thing".
Stoopid!! Stoopid!!
And New York Sports Club is such a mess. So... in my last audioblog I speak of the notorious happenings of certain NYSC's and how I'm nosey enough to want to take a gander. Oh how my faith was tested yesterday when I went to work out. There's this guy that lives in my neighborhood. A tall thin caucasion with bright eyes and long curly hair. Attractive. I've run into him online and at my favorite bodega. We cut eyes at each other and such. It's innocent.
I go into the gym yesterday and see him there for the first time, working out with a friend (I suppose). So... I'm keeping my composure enjoying myself, following my usual routine. I finish working on biceps and triceps and head of into one of the small matted rooms with mirrors to strech and do some abwork on the floor. As soon as I get comfortable and roll up my sleeves to visually measure the progress of my bicep, here he comes, right behind me. Now... this is the moment where I could have been gutter about it and allowed a convo or some sort of interaction take place, but my momma didn't raise me like that. So instead, I immediately turn my back to him, fall to the floor and begin my excercises, completely ignoring his presence, he does a few push-ups and leaves as quietly and quickly as he came.
Aww... Now I feel bad. Its that whole perception thing. I didn't want to seem like a stalker whore who would love to meet someone at the gym, but I also don't want to be all, I'm better than "that kind of thing".
Stoopid!! Stoopid!!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Artsy Fartsy
I'm so glad to be back in the city and out of Rochester! I learned some good stuff while I was there though. I've been doing a lot of lazy artwork lately so I thought I'd slap it onto some tshirts and sell it. I'll be wearing it out first to generate talk though. Wish me luck!
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Vacation Time
I need to take a vacation. I've been acting really crazy lately and I can't seem to get it together. I'm actually embarrassed and mad at myself for being so emotional lately. I've been feeling jealousy, anger, despair, confusion, attraction, and aversion towards random people in my life for the past few months and I can't figure out why.
I seriously need to reset my "internals" with some rest and relaxation!
I seriously need to reset my "internals" with some rest and relaxation!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
New Thoughts
Well,
I spoke with my mother the other day about some random issues and the issue of gay marriage and voting came up somehow. I shared my views with her and she felt very surprised to hear that I didn't think it was important to act on those views by participating in any state legislation votes etc.
She really forced me to take a second look at the meaning of belief and how I've been participating in social discourse. Can you really say you believe in something without acting on it. Kind of like lies of omission, if you're going to say something you have to say all of it for it to be truth. If I say I believe in something I should act on it to complete the statement.
I spoke with my mother the other day about some random issues and the issue of gay marriage and voting came up somehow. I shared my views with her and she felt very surprised to hear that I didn't think it was important to act on those views by participating in any state legislation votes etc.
She really forced me to take a second look at the meaning of belief and how I've been participating in social discourse. Can you really say you believe in something without acting on it. Kind of like lies of omission, if you're going to say something you have to say all of it for it to be truth. If I say I believe in something I should act on it to complete the statement.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Uh OH!
Ok, I have to apologize. I did create a post from Rochester but due to my rushing onto the plan, I think it got lost in cyberspace. I'll try again later.
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