Seeing the light

It just came to me in a flash one day recently. Amidst repetitious cliches and obvious statements of truth. To be successful, you have to engage in something that you like to do. You have to love it. You have to feel as though your work just springs from your innermost desires.

Writing and designing are the only things that really just come naturally to me. So I think I'm going to stick with them and expand my skills. I want to dig down deep into my abilities and max out the quality of everything I produce.

Excel is not my friend

Look. I know I'm not a math genius. Ever since they tried to teach me how to use an abacus in the third or fourth grade, I knew that I was in trouble with the numerals. But Excel is just ridiculous. I just want to get a sum, and it's turning into a research project. I'll just have to add a Microsoft Suite refresher course to my list of To Do's. What does a guy have to do to get organized around here. I'm not a rich man, or even a middle class family man with lots of "responsibilities". So why can't I get my finances in order? I'll tell you why. Lack of education and an egregious lack of interest. For some reason, I've convinced myself that making more money is the answer to any financial problem that I may encounter. Funny. The first think I think about when it comes to social policy and the nation's economy, is "...cut spending, and invest better..." Duh! I should be holding fast to that edict as well when it comes to my own meager earnings.

BTW. I'm so into jewelry right now. Not just the usual urbanite bling, but the real rare and fun stuff. Collector Ish. I watch more GemsTV now than anything else. (at least until the Olympics start up - Way too excited!) The random ramblings of the colorful hosts drowns out my own mental exhaustion and keeps me company as if I was an elderly person in the hinterlands of our fair nation and not a young Buppy.

My friend Gym

I used to have a crippling fear of the gym, or any other athletic space where strangers were forced to perform, succeed, fail, and disrobe in front of each other. When I was a young lad in grade school, I was teased and harassed by the jocks. Although I truly do enjoy athletic competition, I couldn't seem to get a hang of the aggressive bonding culture that seems to go hand in hand with it. I just wanted to have fun, enjoy the exercise and move onto the next thing. How much more ignorant and foolhardy could I have been?
Sports and exercise are about manipulation, intimidation, and domination, right? At least that's how I used to feel. After being forced to go to New York Sports Club in the past 3 years to perform maintenance on my aging body, I've come to understand a little bit more about how the mindset of a "gym-goer" is formed. First there is the fear of public failure. Then, you have the unavoidable and obvious sexual titillation that stems from loosely clothed, sweaty bodies in motion that is simultaneously terrifying and alluring. And lastly, you have the forced socialization. Sharing space, equipment, and air with a group of people can cause one to feel pangs of sympathy, a sort of kinship of action as well as disdain and suspicion. So what is a "gym-going" brain to do? Block Block and again I say Block!
When I was younger, I wasn't able to discern negative harassment from adolescent ribbing and suffered greatly because of it. Now, I'm much better positioned and trained in the art of group dynamics. I can ignore looks from people, block my person from being offended by another person's proximity etc. Taking all of the good vibes in while actively keeping the bad vibes out is the key. In fact, I may even be well on my way to enjoying going to the gym and seeing the faces of the other people who share my new mindset about bodies and how they can workout together without having the minds attached to them colliding in misunderstanding and fear.